Philosophy of The Big Society

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Saturday, 15 November 2008

Drained, Bewildered and in need of a hug from Pudsey

It has been rather a busy week for me and has left me exhausted (very much so).

I managed to get another bus, on Wednesday, when I went to stay at friends so that was an achievement and cooking for Dad and staying over, Thursday, was another. But it is so very hard on an emotional level. I won't go into detail here as it is private and painful but I ended up with a migraine and yesterday spent the day in a semi zombie state.

He (Dad) really isn't getting enough support and I do understand that what resources there are in MH services aren't going to stretch round everyone who needs care but he is stagnating and on Thursday was discussing things that were quite frightening to me. I am not stable enough to provide him with objective counselling. I try but I think that is the role of MH services. I think he needs more than 2 visits a week from the support worker. The plus is that, having spoken with his support worker, she is taking him to see the GP on Monday.

Hayley came round yesterday and I managed to make some cards but I was all over the place, internally, which was not helped by seeing the GP who had the letter from the neurologist and wants to put me on Sodium Valporate for migraines???? I didn't know that was a medication that was used for treating migraines and even so the last time I took it was when I was in acute care and after taking it my blood pressure went through the ceiling. The GP thinks the dose I will be on, 200mg twice a day, is a low dose. Erm, it doesn't sound like a low dose to me. I came home and thought about it and I am going back and saying that I don't want to take it and won't. I will try another (non shrinky drug) but if there aren't any more available then I will ask for the wafer things. At least they kick in when the migraines come.

The bottom line, I think, with the migraines is that they were trigged by Dad getting so very ill and are perpetuated by the worry and stress of his and my situation.

I haven't seen the Support Worker this week. She is off sick (know the feeling love!) but right now I feel like I need to shut down a while. I have a friend due over this weekend but I don't want them here. That sounds awful and maybe it is but I can't cope with any demands and that isn't just the demands of cooking but of having someone in my space who might bring with them all their stresses and there is no room in the inn for any more than my own. In fact there isn't enough room for mine!!!

Watched 'Children in Need' and kept thinking of Baby P and how many more little ones are being hurt right now and it did provide some comfort to know that there are good works, carried out by caring people, going on out there (funded, as ever, by Jo Public) that do help but when government bodies aren't doing their share of the caring, and children are dying because of that, well, it just ain't the severest way.

Not sure what to make of the new Doctor Who. If the chap on Children in Need is going to be the new Doctor Who. I am still rooting for Richard E Grant. He is perfect for the part.

And now I am going back to bed for as long as it provides me with rest and comfort.


  1. Hello Mandy.

    Sodium Valproate is used mainly as an anti-convulsant. It's primary use is to control epileptic episodes. It is though, increasingly used for other conditions, nerve pain being one of them. I was prescribed it a couple of years back for pain from diabetic peripheral neuropathy and it worked to an extent but the zombification effect was intolerable and in the end I preferred to live with the pain.

    Applause for the bus success and staying with your Dad. Was at a conference last week and the non-availability of support services was a major issue. One social services manager underlined the difficulties by reminding his NHS colleagues that, unlike the NHS, every Social Services decision bears a price tag.

    But hugs through the gloom anyway.

  2. Hi Mandy
    As you know I'm on the dreaded drug now 500mg twice daily so your dose is quite low. And I have done a lot of research and it is used for migraines though not routinely I guess they saw you were bipolar and thought two birds and one stone.
    Hope all goes well if you have your 'friend' over.

  3. Hi Mike

    Nice to hear from you.

    I can't understand that after telling the GP I was given it in hospital and it sent my blood pressure through the ceiling, she thinks it will work any better or have less effects on my blood pressure now.

    I am at the point where I barely trust the NHS. I know all it has, well mostly, is drugs and they work for some and not for others. Is not their fault that the drugs don't work for me but not mine either and like you I can't hack being in a zombie state.

    I also can't hack the ineptitude of MH services who offer so little and think that they are offering so much.

    Seems there has been another cock up in organising Dad's GP appointment. The MH worker didn't ask for a medical appointment and so it looks like Dad will have to go tomorrow and then again for the medical. Having taken ages today re-talking him into going to the appointment I now feel like banging my head against the wall.

    Just where has the common sense gone in the NHS..that is what I would like to know?

    Do MH workers have a lobotomy before they take on the job or are they specially picked for being stupid????


    Like your piccie though. x

  4. Hi Lareve

    I don't know what the experts were thinking...but I guess when the neurologist clocked I was bipolar she thought she was the goose that lays the golden egg by coming up with Sodium Valporate.

    Bollocks to it is what I say!

    As for the friend well he has thrown one of his epic strops and stormed out. Is not all his fault I have had a few demands over the weekend and am too exhausted to cope with any more crap from anyone.

    It all started over the fact I hadn't got enough milk for the copious cups of tea they insist on making. Knock on effects of someone stealing the milk from my door and, I ended up going round their folks to get some the time I got back I had had it with everything and quite frankly I was like "Yeah, go home if you want I don't give a fuck right now".

    Taken another half a loz and praying am left alone for rest of today.

    Won't be volunteering for the part of the fairy godmother in this year's panto!!! Ha!

  5. You sure you haven't got a sign pinned to the back of you saying kick me ?
    Good luck with the wafer thngey's as you say, at least they work.Are you supposed to be seeing the Neruologist for a follow up ?

    Take care sweetie.

    Sis xxx

  6. Sorry Mandy

    That your weekend has been so stressful I have only just got out of bed , not that I got any sleep but couldn't face the day and I too have had an argument- in my case with ungrateful other half. I tried to explain to him that I have an illness and he said feeling sorry for yourself isn't an illness!!!! Bout to give up really

    Anyway, hoping rest of day peaceful for us both

  7. Hi Sis

    Sorry haven't been in touch. It has been one of those weeks, as in one of those worse weeks in one of those bad years!

    Am going to stick with the wafer thingies. Definately is better to stick with a formula that works than change it for one that has been known not to.

    Will touch base soon.

    Hugs to you


  8. Sorry for you too Lareve,

    I reckon the problem this end is too many demands and having someone around who has their own problems and that ups the anti for both of us when we are both going through it.

    I haven't the answer but for now not answering their phone calls is stopping any more upping of anti's (well for me and right now I have to look after me).

    I spent most of today being with, and trying to help, people in crisis and if that continues I will end up in the crisis and I don't want to go back to the unit and be fekked up by more trials on drugs and dealing with staff who are too busy fannying about with bits of paper to talk to me.

    As for your partner...what a tosspot for saying that. I would apologise for being so brash but "Nah". I can't stand that "Pull Yer Socks Up" drivvle.

    I know where I would like to put my socks and he wouldn't like that one bit!!!