Philosophy of The Big Society

David Cameron gets to be God!

Saturday, 27 November 2010

A Condundrum over Control Issues in Care Home

The conundrum is how I deal with an incident that happened today.

Before I explain, best as, have to state that the person concerned has previously been, what I consider to be, abrupt and even a bit mean in the way they speak to residents.

On reflection, maybe I should have said something before but I have let these things go....actually I should have said something before.

I intend to take action now. I am just not quite sure what action to take.

One of the residents has got into the habit of hurling themselves, head first, at the floor. OK, that is childish behaviour and it isn't doing them any favours but looking at it from a humanistic point of view,they are very poorly, have little control over their lives and to large degree over the function of their body. They are striving to get attention and clearly, whatever attention they are getting (which from my observations, when there, is very little but I don't see other rezzies getting any more) is not enough.

Whilst I was there today, this person, kept trying to get up off their chair. On a couple of occasions I helped, such as I can, and on other occasions a staff member came to help out.

Not long after the staff member left the room, the resident went head first to the floor. I cried out for staff to attend and went over to sit with the resident. Both the staff members on duty rushed in. The most senior's first actions were to tell the resident off (in front of everyone in the room) and then storm out to get the contraption (apologies don't know correct term) that will aid them to lift the resident off the floor.

I got a cushion and placed it under the rezzie's head and stroked their shoulder and tried to reassure them. The other member of staff stood there a bit dumbstruck until the senior came back.

Once settled into the chair, the senior went off to notify next of kin and ring and ambulance (fair enough). I sat and stroked rezzie's hand and chatted to him whilst the other staff member kept dabbing a big bump that appeared over their right eye with a cloth. Can't for the life of me think why they did that but I guess it was doing something.

What infuriated me was the total lack of respect given to the resident. In fact they were treated like a naughty school kid that should be scolded and the fact that this was done with an audience. If that is not over controlling, well I am a born again Liberal Voter (and there's fat chance of that happening).

At the time, my priority (actually instinct) was to provide TLC and as much reassurance as I could until the paramedics arrived but the more I think about this the more angry I am becoming.

I can go about this one of two ways or maybe both. Talk to the person, one to one and tell them what I think of how they handled that situation and/or speak to the manager. I think it would be only fair to talk to the person first. I don't relish the idea and I imagine it could get quite heated but what happened has to be challenged. I think it has to be challenged because if they carry on, and are allowed to carry on talking to residents (fellow human beings), like they are pieces of trash....and in a leadership will continue to breed fear and well fekk knows where it will end but no care home should be run on fear. I don't think anywhere should be run on fear. Sadly it seems to be becoming the norm, these days.

I think I should talk to the manager too. Maybe they are aware of this staff member's behaviour and have turned a blind eye or, maybe, they really don't know how this person behaves. Either way, they need to be confronted with the truth and then to decide how they will deal with it.

I know there is a risk of upsetting the apple cart as it is but the apple cart could soon turn very sour if left as is. Hmmm...ultimately, I have to follow what my morals and emotions are telling me and they are telling me "It just ain't right".

Got to think of best way to plan what I am going to say but, in spite of what certain anonymous people think of me, usually (particularly in major life shit and certainly when trying to help others) following gut reaction turns out best....Hoping it turns out for the best this time. Hope.....possibly the naeivist form of self deception but sometimes it is all I got.

and I really hope it doesn't get to point where I feel I have to go to a higher authority. 1) Because if things can be sorted for the better in situe that has to be best way 2) Higher authorities are usually run by impotent wind bags with no desire or clowt to do anything other than give lip service, cover other people's backsides and tick boxes.

One more thing, I don't think 2 members of staff are able to properly look after all the residents in the home so there is a staffing issue and that, as is usually the case, all boils down to money!!!

Ho fucking hum!!!! low can you go?

Title just popped into my head so I put it up.

Arrrrrgh! Have had few weeks of depression, mixed with cold virus symptoms that seemed to keep appearing and disappearing (no obvious reason, migraines etc. Midweek had this freaky manic up thing. I don't much like that either. Is not euphoric or care free. It is a bit wild and lary and not easy to control. In between all this had impulses in middle of night to go walkies. All except one night, at Craig's, managed to curb it. That night I was wandering around early hours, trying to find my friend's house. Fekk knows why? Didn't really want to wake her up. I tried buzzing one door spooked and walked off. Thanks to another friend being on end of phone, and them talking sense to me, called a taxi and went home.

Since then, I haven't had one good night's sleep. I am sure there are insomniacs out there that would think me a lucky bitch for getting any good night's sleep...but, usually aided by loz, I can zonk through a night, no sweat.

Well, don't know about other people with Bi-polar but if I don't get proper sleep, I start getting iller and that is what has been happening.

I am drained all day and want to sleep ...or not feel so drained!!! At night, I am wide awake. Mostly contemplating running away. I used to do that sort of thing when younger, without any contemplation. It was a more care free state of being then. Now, I just feel total entrapment....bit like sitting in some metaphorical cell (real enough to me) on death row, waiting to be sent into the gas chamber.

Normally for me it is 3-4 bad days and a 3-4 coping days (coping and doing positive in things I enjoy) I enjoy very little any day. Even chocolate doesn't touch me. I know, it must be serious!!!

The only real difference a day brings is some new physical ailment to be dealing with. I know depression and physical illness go together. Immune system gets wham'od and the viruses send a round robin to all their pals.

Even my care co-ordinator coming up trumps wasn't enough to lift me any higher than level of coffee table. He bought round a file load of paperwork (yak) but it was relevant. Certainly the proposal for continued Direct Payment. I actually hugged him and told him I was bowled over by it, cos, from where I sat, it all looked in order and relevant to my needs. One less thing to fret about. Okay, so next stage the All Powerful Panel Meeting...and I am not expecting anything so if they say "No go" it will be no surprise. If they say "Yes" it will mean something positive but right now am too low to appreciate it. Thought of going outside...even just to local shops freaking me out and Craig is having to accompany me to see Dad because I feel like I am going to collapse all the time, or bawl or make a twat of meself in front of other vulnerable people who would be shaken and stirred up if I do.

Every winter it's bad...I am not sure if it is worse this year...last year I had been fighting 2 year battle with services to give Dad proper support. Culminating in his suicide attempt, 3 month stay in acute care and finally transferred to the care home, which he is now settled nicely into and making progress. I don't use the word recovery. It isn't is some sort of coming back out of his that he is safe, he is 're-becoming' (to a certain extent) Dad I knew, again.

I think it must be a case of every winter is bad...and every winter I am older..and every year one load of crap gets replaced with another load of crap. Scary times do not make for settled, calm and collected Bi-polars. Well, not this one, for sure.

Plus gotta cancel my respite care cos there is no one to look after Suki Cat and Suki Cat is too old, too frail and too set in her ways to be stuck in a cattery.

Know I said it hundreds of times but I wish I was a bear...and I could find a big tree (with big enough hole) for me to curl up in, hibernate and awake in spring. Sure there will still be crap to be dealing with but there will be sun and flowers, blossoming trees and lighter days. 4 months...right now that is too long, by 3 months and 31 days!!!!!!!

Friday, 26 November 2010

Ummmm.....If it was simply a case of teaching granny to suck eggs

how comes most people have never even seen granny sucking eggs?

Flippancy has it's uses, especially when Nanny is back with their guide on how to survive 'The Festive Season':

1. Drink sensibly

A bottle a day should keep you suitably inebriated to endure it

2. Eat well

Nanny recommends a light salad, followed by a yoghurt and a piece of fruit.

3. Be active

Yep, even if that means forcing yourself out of bed. You could even try to do the housework that has been put on hold for a few months.

4. Get involved

For those living alone, go knocking on neighbour's doors and ask them if you can join in their festivities.

5. Relax

Make yourself a cup of tea, do some deep breathing exercises, have a bath and then hit the benzos. You really should not be bothering the Crisis Team at this time of year and ruining their fun.

6. Sleep

If only eh? But if push comes to shove try a mix of Tip No 1 and Tip No 5

And here's Nanny's link

Tuesday, 23 November 2010

Telling it how it is

I been doing that for years and still I get the "Get over yourself" Brigade insisting that some collective we must rally on and conquer our illness, most probably because it makes them feel better about themselves.

I am sure that anyone with an on-going and utterly debilitating mental illness will know that it takes extra effort to do just about anything and life is exhuasting enough without added layers of guilt from other people to have to deal with AND if I could have recovered, I wouldn't still be at the mercy of this fucking disorder.

Best intentions or deliberate bullying doesn't make me feel any better and I am taking this opportunity to tell the likes of the Recovery Natzis to "Fucking well, fuck the fuck off"

END OF!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

Migraines and Mind fucks

I feel like saying last post I put up was a total waste of time. It most probably was but it was where I was at, then.

Now, I am feeling/thinking (such as brain can hack) was all about theorising rather than realising how dire things are going to get without any real care for the people on the butt end of it. In that regard it led to nothing new!!!

Ho hum! I keep trying to access places where I can make some positive difference and coming back into myself.

This isn't just frustration about that, it's the joys of womanhood dragging me back into the bog. Yeh! I know all women suffer (varying degrees) but I get floored every time and the migraines trigger one after the other. Dropped migraine meds and 2 loz. Hopefully, will feel more comfortable soon, at least relaxed enough to sleep.

There is progress of sorts. A minor operation that can be done to remove lining of womb and hence no more periods. Had letter from consultant saying I have a 'consultation' meeting scheduled for spring. I need to get my act together (more so now I have printer ink) and write back saying at the meeting I want to discuss the operation, and basically go for it.

Rallied through (sort of) meeting with care co-ordinator and a social worker. Won't say too much about why social worker was there but based on the meeting, I am glad he was and have another meeting scheduled with him tomorrow to try and move forward with Direct Payments. Sort outstanding issues out and re-apply for more hours. Not sure where it will lead. Times being as they are and attitudes towards the sick (surpluss to requirement) it may turn out to be nothing but, realistically, I need more hours of my care lady's time.

Thankfully, my friend's son is going to get my prescription for me today because in the physical state I am in, aggravating mental state, I wouldn't make it.

It's time for bed and I just hope I get a long sleep. Not so much to recharge batteries as to shut down and shut it all out for a while.

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

Some healthy debate (at last)

I have spent some time but maybe not enough, venturing around blogland to gauge how people are coping and what their views are, in regards to what is to come as part of reforming the welfare state (whatever that actually turns out to be).

There is, understandably, a lot of fear out there and little hope...but I could just be reading specific blogs and not getting a generalised view (if there is such a thing).

A friend sent me a link to a blog called 'Labour List' and the specific posting I was sent is 'Coalition 'welfare' policy - back to the workhouse'. Remember doing a blog posting myself, few years back, saying this is what I fear would happen (workhouses for the mentally ill) and believed would happen at some point in not too distant future...anyway, I am digressing.

What I like about this posting (apart from it's content) is the level of debate is has triggered. Some of it, maybe, not so much debate as disagreement but overall it makes for something healthier/good for me than just 'ranting' (as I am apt to do) or going round in circles with my own view and nothing to bounce it off. I do discuss things with friends and fam (my daughter) but, I think, it is more objective...make that more indepth/ get views from people not personally involved with me.

I recommend people read the posting and the responses because, can only speak for myself here, I am finding out information I did not know before but I am also seeing different perspectives...more importantly it is healthy to see something like real debating going on rather than reinforcing or being part of a hysteria raising cycle/circle.

It could just be me, locked up in MandLand, and sometimes too trapped by the terror or too angry to absorb anything properly because I am too busy wanting to get back at the 'bad guys and girls' (Angry one woman mob with nowhere to go) but I have not yet come across a blog where I have seen debating between people of differing opions going on about a subject that is so important...something that it is going to change the very nature of our society and, as yet, I have yet to be shown it likely to be anything other than brutal and harsh for those of us who can't cope with mainstream due to illness/es.

I will be posting on that blog (working on composing myself appropriately beforehand...which might fail and I will just burst in with usual off top of head stuff) but I wanted to give people the opportunity to have a look at it for themselves and make up their own minds about it.

Link to "Coalition ‘welfare’ policy: back to the workhouse"

Chairman of Motability signed up for cuts

Neil Johnson was one of many businessmen who signed a letter supporting the financial cuts to public services and benefits for disabled people.

"Motability Operations is a not-for-profit company that runs the Motability Car Scheme, and more recently, the Powered Wheelchair and Scooter Scheme." It is also the largest fleet operator in the UK and the biggest supplier of used cars to the trade, it is owned by the major banks: Barclays Bank plc, Lloyds Group plc, HSBC Bank plc and Royal Bank of Scotland plc.

Johnson is also chairman of Umeco, a company that produces weapons and Hornby (that lovely train set company).

I think all the above speaks for itself.

Thursday, 11 November 2010

Will Jeremy Paxman Do The Honourable Thing and Resign from University Challenge

After challenging.... let's be honest here ... interrogating Claire Solomon on her role in the disruptive behaviour of fellow students at Wednesday's protest at Millbank Tower, I have to wonder at his suitability as compere of a programme specifically aimed at and including University Students.

Claire Solomon made it clear that she was not involved in violence and his representation of her, detracted from the real issues students are facing.

Paxman continued to grill her, about her age, whether she was a student, how long she had been studying, if she was taking gap leave and how long for etc etc etc. It isn't just about what you ask but why and how you ask it and the tone in which it comes across, which was accusatory.

Simon Hughes, was part of the interview, he made a point of glaring at Clare and then turning away from her and focussing on NUS Aaron Porter, whose view was that throwing the extinguisher off the roof was dangerous (like nobody else would know that) but generally he supported the action by the students.

Hughes steamed into Porter, saying that the NUS president had encited fellow students to hunt down Lib Dem MPs who'd signed the original pledge not to raise student fees and Hughes exploited that as if there had been some violent intent behind Poynter's words. Poynter, flabbegasted by this, insisted that he did not say that. However, Hughes refused to let him talk any further and says that the electorate decided that there wasn't a majority so it wasn't the Lib Dems fault that the fees are going to go up. Basically, blaming the Tories for Lib Dem subserviance.

What I got from that interview was that Paxman and Hughes gave little opportunity for the NUS President and student to put their views across and bullied them when they tried to have their say.

I used to like watching 'Newsnight' because Paxman used to put politicians on the spot and try and get them to tell the truth. Now he comes across as another pack dog, doing the Government's bidding!!!!!

Tuesday, 9 November 2010

I wouldn't so much say it's 'Shutter Island' as Shutter Shed

Yep...I have seen the film. Not sure I have seen the light!!! As in the "You really must take responsibility for your own actions..even if I am not" league!!

What I got from the film was that it was pretty damn good. Leonardo Di (never quite sure how to spell his name) acted his part brilliantly. No surprise for me cos I really rate him.

I liked the way it reeled me in, not sure till quite a ways into the film that the main character is in some kind of psychotic self denial. I did clock early on that he was carrying a lot of psychological and emotional baggage but I thought it might have been to do with interrogation. As in he having been involved in interrogating Natzis and then having to see first hand, the horrors of the holocaust (as an American Army man). Got that one wrong! Oopsie!

Was scared to bits by the Lighthouse (The grand finale of the Big Brother House) and the atmospherics got to me too. I felt alot of the supsense that went with 'Blair Witch Project' only the quality of this film was heaps better and more substantial.

I think, wherever there are gaps or uncertainties in films, people (me included) fill them in with what we want them to be. For example at the end of the film, my view is that he realises he has been in denial about his past, as well as the violent side of his character (although I am not sure if that violence was a pre-disposition or in direct response to his wife killing his children) and prefers the labotomy option to having to live with the reality of what he has experienced, done and feels. Craig (who watched film with me) thought that he hadn't got the remotest idea and still thought that it was all a conspiracy against him.

Am suddenly wondering what it was that prompted me to write this post. Well, I am getting sick to death of people and their social engineering/control talk...using the media to tell other people how they should be living their lives whilst in the next breath proclaiming themselves too sick. For what, to be taken seriously? Is that a kind of sickness? To think that you have authority and and the right to moral control but then to start saying that when it comes to them, they are 'exempt'? Is it a twisted belief that they can save people...or more that they are trying to save themselves at other people's expense? Whatever, I am highly scepticle of anyone who claims to be representative of me, whilst never actually asking me what I think, feel, experience (trying to super-impose what they believe I should be feeling etc on me). The reason this is so important now is that social engineering is much more of a reality and when it comes to responsibility.....I fear people will be made to be responsible for their illness (blamed for having illness) and when they don't cut it, in this brave new world...they will be subject to a different kind of labotomy. Extermination of a sorts...just like in the film. The guy didn't cut was 2 strikes and out.

Big Brother, who on one hand is believing themselves generous and compassionate.... on the other...imposing their morality on someone to the point of extinction. Well, that was my take on the film and is my take on what is happening now with more to follow.

The propoganda seeds are being sown. We all belong in a Big Society. Big Brother has told us that. Now it is how society is manipulated to believe that there is an ideal type ...a uniform type...and only they belong. Faulty goods are not allowed (particularly with mental illness) and will be blamed, bullied and driven out (of their minds, communities and homes). Ultimately, mental illness will no longer will be those who can 'fit to type' and the mentally ill will be deviants who must be punished. Paranoid maybe? But time will tell.

As for the Shutter Shed. It's about me reality checking and downsizing accordingly. Metaphorically speaking and who knows what on the literal level.

I don't think it will be a case of even having 2 strikes. 1 strike and then fekked!!!

Monday, 8 November 2010

ESA not fit for purpose

If you agree, as I do, that Employment Support Allowance has not been thought out properly and that the support mechanisms, job opportunities for those who can work (including flexible work which understands the erratic nature of severe mental illnesses)and actual understanding of how mental illness affects people period, please sign the petition at:

Sunday, 7 November 2010

One in 4 of us.....

....can tell the difference between Stork and margarine.....and the rest are lying!!!!!

Friday, 5 November 2010

Direct Payments. A Tale of Utter Confusion on the part of the Professionals

Viewers to this blog (bless your hearts and stamina) may remember that my ex care line with my care plan...put forward a proposal to Social Services in order for me to get a Direct Payment to help with issues around isolation, agoraphobia and depressive side of my illness.

That was Autumn 2009. Social Services agreed to fund me in December of the same year and I, eventually, got a back payment of £800 in May 2010 (in lieu of the months leading up to that point).

It took another 3 months due to MH Trust insisting I must use one of the care agencies recommended by them, only to later be informed that the care agencies they recommended do not provide the sort of support I needed (their words not mine) and me than having to (muchly supported by local Disability Resource Centre) go through process of employing a care lady (drafting job description/interviewing etc etc etc.

So, I have had 3 months of my care lady's time at 3 hours per week. Thankfully, I picked the right lady. She is brilliant. Empathetic, on time, flexible and friendly.

There are however, still a few outstanding issues such as

Central Bedfordshire Council, whom set deadlines for me to return expenditure paperwork to them but do not send me the paperwork to complete. Up until this month I had been photocopying forms and sending them back. To ensure I was adhering to their policies. However, I have been a bit strapped of late and can't afford printer the paperwork has not been returned and the file (I bought and organised to ensure everything was in its place is now devoid of some essential paperwork).

Not only are they incapable of keeping to their own policies but on the odd occasion I have needed to talk to them about things like "How come I still have £1,000 in my account and only 3 months left of my care lady's time?" along with "Could I use some of this money to pay for my care lady to attend Thai Chi classes with me?" I mean who is going to be working for somebody 3 hours per week and pay for themselves to do that? Not many people, me thinks. I have left messages on answerphones and, as yet, not one response!!!!

I am sure there are people thinking "How come this woman still has that amount of money" or "WTF is going on?" Well, firstly, I have stuck by what I thought was the original agreement of 6 months to pay for care support and secondly, I haven't got a damn clue what is going on anymore. Maybe, social services are providing the Direct Payment for a year. If so, then they should have formally written that into the agreement. Basically, I have spoken to a few people about this and their view is the council have totally lost the plot on this and are in a mess.

Anyway, Care Lady managed to hunt out 'Thai Chi' course starting on Monday. Centre needed enrolment fees by today. I rang council, no-one available to talk to me, rang Disability Resource Centre who told me it was up to Care Co-ordinator. Rang CMHT office..Care Co-ordinator, out...due back any minute....waited around for hour and then had to make executive decison to pay for care lady's enrolment fee from Direct Payment as Em only had a while to spare to take me to the centre (she is in the middle of moving into a flat share) and so it friggin' goes.

Care co-ordinator finally got back to me half hour back and is in agreement that part of the direct payment can and should be used for care lady to do activities with per mental and physical well being/care plan. He now has the ominous task of trying to make contact with the council to confirm this.

Case of watch this space become supper massive black hole.

Hell, if council has a problem with that they can sue me and I will counter sue for all the ruddy aggro they put me through. Well, actually I won't because I can't be doing with trying to get a lawyer,I can't be doing with the many layers of bureaucracy that weave themselves around and then swallow me up.... and I can't be doing with trying to get to courts....although I could ask Care Lady to accompany me. Ha! Ha! Irony my very bestest friend.

Tuesday, 2 November 2010

The right to reply...where?

Being prepared to.... as Ms Dorries states people should... "Stand up for what I believe in", I went to her blog to ask her, what I thought to be, pertinent questions about her comments.

Surprise, surprise....comments aren't allowed. Well, I certainly couldn't find a comment section. If anyone else does, please enlighten me.

A personal spat that got out of hand or something more sinister?

Having read and re-read the article in 'Disability Now', it could have been a spat that got of hand????

Labour v Tory....bitch v brat? Or maybe Ms Dorries has issues with disabled people having any kind of quality of life????

People will make of it what they will but I have issues with people who blog about how they are doing all sorts of things and then when someone questions if they are poorly..they suddenly go into victim mode. I don't believe you can switch illness off. If I could have, I would have years ago.

However, neither do I believe that because someone is ill they shouldn't have a better quality of life or be allowed and SUPPORTED to have one... and what I constitute as quality and support 1) might be someone else's nightmare and 2) I gotta ask just where is the support?

I am one of those dirty rottern scroungers that uses Facebook. I use it because it allows me to socialise in ways my life/illness does not allow. Some days it stops me being and feeling totally alone. Other days I find it overwhelming..on those days I find most things overwhelming.

If an MP genuinely believes that Social Networking is not something disabled people should be allowed to do..then I have to wonder if that MP would also have disabled people wearing armbands, living in segregated parts of towns and ultimately sent to gas chambers. Maybe that sounds extreme but the Natzis took away the rights of people they believed lesser the point of genocide..and let us not forget that the mentally ill were the first to be targetted by the Natzis, although nobody has the balls to be that open and honest about it when they are giving history lectures!!!

Bedfordshire MP encourages dobbing in of disabled people who use social network sites

Article from 'Disability Now'

"Disabled internet users have hit out at Conservative MP Nadine Dorries following her open invitation to report benefit recipients who communicate online excessively.

Ms Dorries, MP for Mid-Bedfordshire, wrote a blog entry on her website on 30 September, asking readers to contact her or the Department for Work and Pensions if they knew of anyone on benefits and using social networking site Twitter who has tweeted more than 35,000 times in the last three months.

Many disabled people took this to mean that Ms Dorries felt that those who regularly use the social networking site are not entitled to benefits.

Ms Dorries reacted in a second blog entry: “If you Twitter all day, every day, about claiming disability benefit in one tweet whilst arranging a night out in the pub in the next […] don’t expect someone like me not to a) inform the authorities and b) tell you to get of [sic] your Twitter and get a job.”

It is understood that Ms Dorries aimed her comments at one particular disabled tweeter, though they affected many more.

Ms Dorries told Disability Now: “[The tweeter] has whipped up an online storm by presenting an inaccurate portrayal of me, but I feel that people don’t really know that, as a Labour party member, she has a political motive.”

The tweeter, who preferred to remain anonymous (but you can read her tweets at, replied: “She’s wrong, I’m just a woman with a blog; I am not powerful like her.

“What she said puts everyone in the same bracket. It’s none of her business what people do at home, benefits or no benefits. The internet is really good for keeping disabled people in touch with people.”

Sarah Ismail, a disabled journalist and blogger, agreed. “I am a freelance journalist and blogger who uses Twitter to promote my work and find new work. If I could say one thing to Nadine Dorries it would be that we don’t all use Twitter to plan trips to the pub!”

Disabled tweeter Andy Platt added: “It is very alarming that a person with views like hers sits on the health select committee, which will inevitably give her a voice in the setting of some aspects of Government policy on people with disabilities.”

Nadine Dorries told Disability Now that people who are “genuinely” disabled have her support. “But if you are someone who can sit on a keyboard all day constantly updating something every few minutes, you have that level of attention span and stamina, you should be working.”

She added: “We need to see more employers providing opportunities for people to work from home. Disability organisations should be working to change the way employers think.”

•Nadine Dorries’s blogs can be found on