Philosophy of The Big Society

David Cameron gets to be God!

Monday, 11 May 2009

Sometimes, it has to be about boundaries and having some common ground that doesn't keep disintergrating

Having fretted a bit too much (plenty of guilt tripping along the way) to a point yesterday where I found clarity. For the first time in a long time. Not sure it will remain but at least I got some.

Was round Dad's and he was getting pretty confused about advocacy. He was telling me about an advocate who had come to the residential care home he was in at the time. He had asked the person about his pension and said he was "Disappointed that the advocate knew nothing about pensions". I am not 100% sure what an advocate is actually supposed to do or know (I know what I'd like them to do) but don't think a MH advocate should be expected to know about pensions.

It is about roles and knowing what a person can and can't do and people being clear about that. For sure when it comes to personal relationships (and depending on situations) nothing is black and white but people do still need to have some sense of where they stand, who they are and what they are able to bring to the relationship. Things have gone beyond blurry for me and I need boundaries back and not just so Dad is clearer about our relationship but so I am too.

Yesterday, I felt a bit more like a daughter and less like a guardian or more that I was letting go of chunks of the guardian role. This is in the hope that when the advocate is in place (and hoping that comes to fruition soon) that I can let go a bit more. Maybe a lot more but that depends.

I did feel the pangs of compromise coming back when Dad asked me about the 'nicey nicey' letter. I really didn't want to comment on that but Dad was getting in a pickle about it and saying that he didn't want to be forced to write anything. The only advice I thought was 'objective' to give was that he tell the support worker he doesn't want to write anything until he has an advocate who can help him with that. Even that smacked of me being placed in a decision making role but it was the best of all the options I could think of.

After that, and Dr J attempting to put a roller blind up in Dad's kitchen (obletives coming thick and fast in regards to wrong size screws and not having the right tools etc) the 3 of us played Scrabble. At last, we have found some common ground in which we can actually do something postive and enjoy ourselves. Is becoming a bit of a Sunday ritual.....Cake and Scrabble. I don't expect much more than that but if that is as good as it gets (pending divine intervention...yeah right) then that'll do ..... better than a prod in the ear with a red hot poker.

Need to swat up on me cake making skills:


  1. Glad to hear there's a bit of positive stuff going on.
    Check out BBC Recipes online for cake inspiration !

    Love and hugs
    Sis x

  2. Thanks Sis

    All being well am off to the zoo tomorrow. A pre birthday treat. Have been told can buy an annual ticket for £55 and then for the rest of the year get in free. I know that is alot of money but the zoo is one of the few places I can go and not get freaked out.

    It also means I will get to see 'Azizah' (my fav elephant) and the baby she had since my last visit (and more than every couple of years).

    I tend to get my cake the shelf. Dr J reckons he is making me a chocolate cake for my birthday. Love, love, love choccy cake.

    Hope the virus is abating there.

    Big hugs