Philosophy of The Big Society

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Friday, 15 May 2009

Birthdays do taste better with Lychees

Overall it was a pretty good birthday. The lychees were delish!

There was a blip and it was a very strange place. Not that he is ever far from it but he was acting like he was 'gone' yesterday. Hang me for the cruel bitch part of me but I was rather angry because it was like he wanted to be centre stage with his illness. When judging people, you can only ever go on what is said and behaviours..on what you know of a person really (I don't really have much of a clue anymore to what is going on..only that I believe it is mostly horrid for Dad)...but lately Dad is becoming more spiteful. Being continually ill doesn't make for 'niceness', it can twist you (it twists me) but, and again, hang me if I am wrong, there is an element of personal responsiblity that when someone has capacity should be taken up and acted on. Then again, I am not sure if Dad has elements of dementia...or I can't really say I understand. Certainly my empathic side doesn't seem to be empathing at all well.

I try to remain unemotive...because to give in to emotions would mean I would be screaming/crying/gnawing at the carpet. When Dad said he wanted bottles of vodka and paracetamol for his supper, I replied that was not an appropriate thing to say today. Not that it is any more or less appropriate than any other day. He feels what he feels etc. But for that one day, I had hoped he would at least make the effort. I was!!!

Judging someone from your own value system is a bit daft really....cos people will be what they are..or whatever their illness makes them. Plus I can't stand on any moral high ground with my track record.

Dr J, uncharacteristically, commented and Dad apologised for his ignorance. I said he wasn't ignorant. It was illness but today was a bit different, for me. He, Dad, then started singing and then got snidey about how well I was doing and how lucky I am compared to him. I thought "Fekk that. I am not biting any bait". I ignored him and sat quietly..whilst Dr J tried to fix the roller blind (that may well become a posting in it's own right).

After that, went back home...was a bit mixed up for a while and nearly gave into temptation to loz it away. I didn't. Dr J was really supportive and he ordered in an Indian meal, wich was delish.

The positives of the day (Always best to end on a pozzie, when you can)were that I got sent some money through the post and went and had my hair done. The hairdresser gave me a free head massage and conditioning treatment. I got some lovely cards and a new portable cd player and silver bracelet from Dr J (as well as the home made choccy cake with choc fudge filling, choc icing and choc squares on top). My fav present was the pink and black stripey (above the knee) socks from a friend. They are totally fab!!! Don't get me wrong, I love all my presents but sometimes it is the unexpected ones which hit a funky spot.

Em is coming over today and am thinking about getting the board games out. We also have a dance mat for her playstation. Been a long time since we used that and I am up for a bop.


  1. I see what you mean about your dad almost wanting to be cerntre of attention. Not sure what else to say, but I am glad there was some positive stuff amongst it all. Belated birthday wishes anyhoo.

    Love Sis x

  2. Thanks Sis

    There is nothing much can be said really. Dad will be how he is...I have to work on de-sensitising myself.

    Thanks for the birthday wishes. I got a bit of post birthday intend to make the most of it.


  3. Slightly belated birthday greeting from me also. It sounded like most of your day was pretty good. May there be many more of them!

  4. Glad your Birthday was a good one, will mail when get chance. Your Dad seeems to need constant reassurance and attention and I can see why that would be tiresome particularly on your b-day. hoping it eases up. Take care there.

  5. Thanks Robert

    Did I read your blog right? Have you been on a 'boys only' jolly?

    If so, hope that was fun for all. :>)

  6. Hi Lareve

    You are right. Dad does need lots of reassurance.

    The Strategic Health Authority wrote back to MP saying they were doing what they could to help maintain Dad and keep his independance.

    I think independance is great (and people should have as much as they are capable of) but it can also be a term used to 'let people sink'.

    Is also rather meaningless when organisations sit on the high ground (talking the talk) when at grass roots levels there is no consistency in quality of care.

    The meals on wheels company keep sending invoices for 2 month's meals when Dad has already paid for the first month and guess what?...his social worker is never around and doesn't call people back.

    Hence, need for advocate...which is turning out to be another case of waiting for calls to be returned.

    Do all organisation's run like that? Cos it is starting to seem that way.

    Anyway, won't rant...will just try and find someone (somewhere) within these organisations who isn't too scared or too lazy to actually do their job.

    Look forward to hearing from you.


  7. I had a...males only....weekend. Just me, my son & grandson. Was that the picture you had in your head? No blue movies or getting drunk, lol.

  8. Hi Manders, glad you had a mostly good birthday. Did you guys manage to eat all the choc fudge cake? If not send me a slice.

  9. Hi Robert

    Not sure what picture I had in my had. I didn't presume anything.

    A family blokes weekend sounds great. If you have written about it will check out your posting. :>)

  10. Hallo there Norm :>)

    Actually I got bought another choccy cake from Em. Will ensure a big slice is kept for you.