Philosophy of The Big Society

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Wednesday, 11 March 2009

Sleeping Tablets are Weirding Me Out (even more)

Had hoped, guided by savvy of GP, that the sleepers would allow me a full night's sleep with possible added bonuses of feeling a bit droopy next day and thus more able to lie in bed, without breaking out in sweats or major flapping in the cerebral region.

Not quite the outcome I got although haven't broken out in sweat yet.

Got off to sleep without any blips. Quite relaxed. All going well till somewhere around 2 am. Came to to the call of Mother Nature (her timing sucks). Was okay cos I got back to sleep but the dreams that followed, I could well do without.

Was back in a home I used to share with Mum and Dad. I was playing some kind of Cinderalla role. Dad was characteristically aloof but any comment he made was sarky and he was continually wingeing about me to Mum and Mum was uncharacterstically a total bitch. I made a roast dinner and was being chastised for burning the potatoes and not giving one the same amount of meat as the other and the gravy was missing. Like that would ever happen!!! It was definately a "Let's beat Mandy with a big stick" dream.

Now, illnesses aside, my family was never anywhere near perfect but we were, more often than not, quite a tight fit of a team. We had to be but also we were. Certainly Mum and me came from the same pod and she was my best friend. A best friend I often got frustrated about but a best friend I could go to with anything and the only person who I have ever felt okay to break down in front of.

Funny how a dream has not only ruined what I wanted to be a long easy doss in bed but got me to questioning things. Things that should I be on a more even keel might warrant some kind of one to one therapy (or personal contemplation) but not now.

Perhaps, even in another hypnotic state, my brain is trying to heal itself. I wish it would get the message that now is not the hour for heavy psycho-analysis. Particularly as drug enduced sleep cannot be trusted in such ventures.

I doubt I will be using another sleeper tonight. Okay, I can see the GP's point- in that they would rather I wasn't using lorazepam to get to sleep...on the grounds I am using it quite heavily during the day BUT...2 wrongs don't make a right.

So it is back to the lozees and the waiting game of when/if I get to see a psychiatrist and what/if there is (more than this) to offer and whether it helps or hinders. Like me or they really know. DOH!

Time for tea.


  1. What have they put you on hun. The Z's or temazepam? Freaking out here asked CC to ring me last night when she gets in. Don't want to speak to her now. Back to Lorazepam then, did they give you more? Weird dreams, I get those with change of meds. could be worse could have been dreams involving Gordon brown and John prescott. If you get my drift. Hope you are suitably sedated

  2. Hi Lareve

    Was put on Zolpadem. Won't be using them again. Am still feeling that half of me is sleeping and the mix with lorazepam is too spooky.

    Not even sure if it is healthy to prescribe sleepers when someone is on Benzos. Being sophorised to fekk is one thing but it is not better quality of life (in fact it has a dark disturbing side to it) and my psyche is dark enough.

    The problem with hitting crisis is it can't wait for a care co-ordinator who may or may not ring back and the rather loose elastic responses from MH services reinforce feelings of abandonment, lack of self worth and other neggy stuff that are then internalised and add more layers of crap.

    Perhaps it would be better to have no service than shite service. I dunno.

    Finding ways to be gentle and kind to the self when services can't or won't do that is some kind of answer but self punishers struggle with that too.

    Ho hum.

    Hugs from here.


  3. Hi Mandy
    Offering hugs,cos I can't think of anything to say atm.

    Love Sis xxx

  4. Sis

    Hugs will do fine. Will be in touch soon.


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