Which is where I am at because I haven't got the energy to fight and there is no where to fly to.
I remember a psychiatrist (the first time I was admitted to an acute unit) asking me why I found life so hard. At the time I told him I didn't know. On reflection it was to do with too much going on/too many demands.
I haven't got the same demands now but if a psychiatrist were to ask me that question I would say it is because I feel too much..and too much of the pain of those around me. Particularly my Dad. Maybe some people are over sensitive and empathetic. Mind you in a world that seems to lack much empathy the only negative about that (for me) is that it has such a devastating effect on me and doesn't always serve others that well either.
Am not likely to change without some intrusive operation on my brain or a few months in Room 101 and so it has to be a case of bunkering down and rolling with the here and now.
On the practical front I still get to the local shops if not every day then every other day. The neurologist appointment is Friday and from there, gotta hope that tests will be done and migraines will get treatment that works and yesterday I put all my cards bits in order. Am waiting for the double sided sticky bits my friend is bringing later as I have 6 cards (and their embellishments) all cut out and ready for putting together.
Can't remember the last time I felt manic. Which is a good thing. I don't want to go manic. But I can't remember the last time I had a real sense of hope that things could get better.
Perhaps the art to life is expecting very little cos then there is no surprise when that is exactly what you get. Ha!
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Hi Mandy
ReplyDeleteYour hospital appointments tommorow then? hope that goes well. Fight or flight, yeah that is a decision. I feel I am in fight mode at mo, but that may be because my mood is good this week and have the energy. When I'm depressed definitely in flight mode. I think staying put is ok though, in fact may be best option as neither fighting or flighting lead to good consequences. sorry if this doesnt make sense no sleep last night. Off to IKEA now for some sweedish crap. Mail you later. x
Enjoy IKEA, hun
ReplyDeleteFight mode is good for you..I think. There is some motivational energy going on in that.
Maybe when the migraines are under manners I will have the umph to get out and about a bit more. Certainly having migraines every day has put the dampers on making the effort to go out. Getting a migraine, outside the safety of my own home, is pretty grim. Although it not much fun at home but at least here I am not having to negotiate my way through streets, people etc to get to a calm place.
Am wondering though, if after all the tests or whatever, it boils down to stress where I go from there but will cross that bridge should it arise.
For now, living in the now will have to suffice.
xx