having commented on a post on Marine Snow's blog...I think it is important to write. Well, important for me, that vulnerable people are often taken advantage of.
I shared one of my experiences of such a thing happening to me on Lola's site so won't go into it again here. Not that I am ashamed of it but have taken a whole lorazepam and not sure where that is going to take me. Nor, at the moment, do I care!!!
In both my extreme states i am highly vulnerable. When manic my libido can rise along with the mood. Not only does that send signals out that I am up for it, or can do but it also breaks down my own self protective barriers. I became more care free and have little regard for anything but the moment. It was rather different when I was taken advantage of the last time. My manicness was more edgy rather than happy la la and I believe I was taken advantage of because I wasn't able to say No...I was caught up in something but mostly my own neurosis and thinking it was the right thing to do, to please them...particularly as they were on the charm offensive.
Looks like I am going to re-write what I wrote after all. DOH!
Anyway, cutting to the chase, the bloke became more bullish and controlling and even after i had to go to a clinic to sort out the nasty present he had given me, he was ringing me and demanding to see me. When I refused he threatened me with legal action. Not sure quite what any more but he blamed me for having sex with him. Said it was all my fault and sent endless texts with the most foul comments. The only thing I think was wrong on my part was not using protection but when someone is not in a position to think straight and being bullied is hard to keep any control.
The problem is...and is very clear to me...that there are predatory creatures out there (part of the human race) who will not only force opportunities on others but will then manipulate people so they feel bad for allowing things to happen. Never mind what state a person is in at the time. Not only that but predators can be very charming (part of the act) so you can't always see the wood for the trees, particularly if you are off centre yourself.
Sadly, it has made me highly sceptical. I used to be a very trusting soul but now my 'bastard' alert is active 24/7. For me, that is not such a bad thing because I never want to be in situations where other people are controlling me, although I totally dread going manic because then I can be known to throw caution to the wind. One thing the lozees do is stop that side of my nature/illness. Which is one of the bonuses of being on sedation for me.
However, it is even sadder that there are people more vulnerable than I who might not be able to prevent others controlling them and you can bet your bottom dollar the predators can spot them a mile off.
so maybe is best not to wear the "No Sex Please" t shirt because they will zoom in on it and will be like a sitting target. Ho hum!
Know i have put this video up before but I love it, so here we go again:
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It doesn't seem such a bad thing to be on bastard alert, provided your warning system doesn't have a hair trigger. Sadly it seems I have been using anorexia as a chastity belt of late, and now I am well again, must resort to common sense and self confidence. Huh. Which way is the convent???
ReplyDeleteLola x
Hi Lola
ReplyDeleteChastity belts have their uses too...as long as you don't lose the key :>)
Common sense and self confidence..well you have a large share of the former and the latter is a work in progress and you know yourself that you've come along way baby. Cue Fatboy Slim track. xx
People will always be there to take advantage of the vulnerable. Sadly. I have not really been on the receiving end luckily. However all this talk of the 'r' word reminds me what happened in St James Park on my London Jolly and nearly being dragged away. Funny at the time but I realise how lucky I was really. Not all men are opportunist bastards but some do use there natural strength to their advantage over women, or as in Lola case manipulate the situation.
ReplyDeleteHi Lareve
ReplyDeleteRemember you writing about the St James Park incident..well potential incident.
There will be those who will ask what you were doing walking round a park....
and people like me who think there is more than one issue to that. Like why can't people walk where they want to walk when they want to walk (without being attacked)? Link to powerpoint presentation on the history of mankind. Was going to write something like alien v predator but political correctness abounds.
Another issue is why someone is walking around...
I used to go roaming. It was what I did on a manic one. Not the faintest iota where or why...and that could quite easily be seen as fair game (either by people who think that women in mini skirts deserve to be raped or by those who want to rape them).
Anyway rambling now and my eyes are going squiffy so signing off xx