Concerns around Mixamatoxins and Vet Appointments

Part of me wishes I had never taken all the meds I took before because am not looking forward to going on to Lithium with an innocent warm glow of positive anticipation.

Doing best to keep my Doubting Thomas at bay but having spoken to friend who has now been given a mood stabiliser, on top of their anti depressant, benzo and strong pain killers for physical problem am wondering where the layers of medication ever end.

I shouldn't really do comparisons ....for one... because everyone has varying tolerance levels and for two... I am only going on to one mood stabilizer although that is on top of benzos...which is making me para.

That the mix of these toxins is going to mong me out.I take biggest responsibility for this as have put up a damn good argument for staying on benzos (that being basic quality of life, in the absence of).

If only there was an off switch and I could go with the flow without wondering what the flow is, where it comes from, where it will take me and where I put my water wings.

There are some little rays of hope, filtering through. As in friend is managing to cut their benzo down by half each day but says they feel they are losing their mind and sense of self. Hard for me to know if that is benzo withdrawal or the combinations of the different meds ending in a cacophony of fekked up ness.

Also have done a bit of a surf of the net and Lithium is seen as the only true mood stabilizer. The King of Queens. Or is that the Queen amongst the Jokers?

Is all pretty iffy as in I won't know until I try it but the thought of feeling worse than how I do is mega concern.

When I was on the phone to Dad yesterday he said "I don't think it could get worse than this". My response was, "I often think that way but reckon it could be worse" (heaven forbid).

Which leads me back out of contemplation and into the getting on with life thing. Took Suki to vets yesterday for annual check and jabs. Big fun...NOT! The pair of us weren't really up to it. Thankfully friend was on hand with words of wisdom..such as "She seems to be handling the car journey, how about you?" (whilst Suki is doing cat equivalent of whining).

Vet was thorough, which means they were doing their job properly and Suki's anxiety levels were going through ceiling. The thermometer up the jacksie was the last straw and Suki was contorting herself (in ways I have never seen), hissing, screeching, scratching and trying to bite. My empathy was with her.

Everyone survived, although vet has nasty scratch on hand which they were kindly dismissive about and I have a freshly washed towel which I need to return along with urine sample tomorrow.

There is a possibility that Suki has diabetes or kidney problem...hence trip back with sample. This could lead to blood tests....oh dear! If that is the case will try and leave a few weeks between visits. As I think too much stress in one go won't do Suki any favours and I am not exactly 'gung ho' myself.

If life were a merry go round, I would be getting off now...and trying to find the porta loo.