Different routes to healing..and self reliance

Am a bit muddley in the head.Most of that is down to me but some is because am trying (again) to cut the loz use down.

Managed a good night's sleep on quarter of a loz and was going to try and muddle through on another quarter this morning but think I was pushing it. Certainly my body was having none of it. Anxiety was heightening with pre-migraine flashings. Fekk that for a game of soldiers. Have taken a half and seem to be settling back into a coping level.

My additional support mechanism, last night, was a meditation cd, which worked as part supplement to the lower dose of loz. The pre meditation spiel told me I need to use the cd, every night, for six weeks for it have maximum effect...as in a lasting one. I dunno about that but am going to try it out. Is not like I have anything to lose.

Blog title is due to contemplating therapy outside of the NHS because what the NHS has is often inconsistent and certainly not accessible when it is most needed. Sadly, I haven't got an income that would allow me to pick and choose from the vast array that is on offer and I wouldn't necessarily know where to start. However, looking at some other blogs there are options. Have signed up, and been put on waiting list, for something to do with mindfulness in regards to dealing with anxiety. Which is a free study course. There is also the Charles Linden route (with a sign up fee) although am not going to sign up for everything that comes along, good as they may be, and will wait for feedback from others on how helpful it is to them.

I think it is cronic that people are having to seek the right support outside of the NHS (because it isn't working for them) but positive that there other options, hopefully that more people can access rather than only those with enough money to do so.

In the meantime, I am trying to get to point where I accept the NHS isn't fit for purpose..and not get all twisted up about it. Would be okay to be angry and frustrated and have places where that frustration would lead to positive action but that is 'la la' land. No one cares enough. It is not good when all it does is eat away at me. From that point trying to do small things to help myself, like biting the bullet and walking to local shops and back (in spite of impulsive thoughts and worse, these days, the neurosis about people coming up and asking how Dad is). I need things that take me away from the pain rather than keep leading me back into it.

So am trying to cut back on loz use..whilst not doing that too soon leading to severe effects of withdrawal, using the meditation cd, having reflexology when I can afford it and hunting out little things that help along the way. Maybe they won't stop the rot but is better to try and stop it than just accept it is there and nothing can be done to prevent it spreading everywhere.