Philosophy of The Big Society

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Friday, 6 August 2010

Accountablity and sharing one's own truth

I have taken, of late, to not sharing much about me and what I do. Mainly, because of the vultures out there who just love to pick at the bones of people if they get half a chance BUT I am sharing my latest letter to my lawyer because ..well just because I feel I have to keep fighting for justice in a country where justice only serves the most wealthy and able.

Here goes

Dear (solicitor)

Re: On going concerns regarding South Essex Partnership Trust and Gaining Access to Pertinent Information

I am afraid I am writing to say I am most perturbed by what is going on. In addition to the Trust continually delaying it’s response to the letter you sent them on my behalf (at the start of summer). I am perturbed that I still don’t have a copy of the letter you sent to them, so am unaware of what has been written on my behalf.

I would like to clarify that during our initial meeting, prior to you taking up my case, I was seeking a copy of the Report on what led to my father’s suicide attempt, last autumn. This is a fundamental piece of evidence in regards to the level of neglect my father was subject to and the level of pressure I was put under, having to try and keep my eye on him and maintain my own mental well being (which was severely affected by what happened).

I understand from what you have written that my father is not entitled to legal aid. However, I think that the law is being abused by the Trust’s unhelpfulness in providing formal documentation, which is paramount in him receiving what he is entitled to.

The panel met in December to agree what support my father would be given and both my father and I were (verbally) informed that the panel agreed to him going into a care home and that the costs of this would be covered (in full) on the grounds of his ill health. However, Social Services are now paying for his care and he is losing his pensions because of this. It is not fundamentally about money. It is about what is just and fair and, his entitlement to formal documentation on what was agreed. I write this to you because due to the misguidance both of us have been given, I have been called upon to act on my father’s behalf in matters that have caused me major stress and distress.

All either he or I have had is verbal agreements. Nothing has been put in writing, at any time, and sent to him or me.

The only resolution, I can see to this situation is that Freedom of Information Act Requests are sent to the Trust for the original formal documentation. That being

The Report completed on my father (including details of the stress it put us both under)
A copy of the original agreement that the Panel made, in December, prior to my father going into the care home.

I appreciate that you think that my father’s outstanding issues have no relevance but in addition to the length of time it has taken for any of my concerns to be addressed, which has been a very long time indeed, the fact that I have had to try and get (unsuccessfully) documentation regarding verbal agreements and investigations/report, I think it unacceptable and there must be a way for the law to carry out a duty to vulnerable people who are being abused by continual system failure and deception.

I have sent a copy of this to my MP because I believe it isn’t just about the law trying to make people and organisations accountable but for those who represent them to try and do so to.

I feel strongly that both my father and I have been continually neglected and treated unfairly by systems that have done little to alleviate the stress placed upon us.

Yours sincerely


  1. Wamptrotting Sadly7 August 2010 at 11:06

    Its a tough life for sure and the lack of speed of open resolution does not help - I do not know anyone who has not been engaged in a bad struggle with services and their unaccountable ways if they are a mental health user - (apart from those who suck up) Hope you get some resolution .


  2. I do so admire you for keepimg on fighting despite all your ongoing problems, the system sucks and all those concerned with your and youtr father's care should be exposed as the absolite basrtards that they are.

    my thoughts are with you

    lots of love


  3. SirThespianHarselick7 August 2010 at 21:55

    Nothing else you can do Manders if people who are paid to care and represent don't give a fuck and yes, it is sad that people have to struggle to get the most basic support from services. Reminded of the Brighton mental health service user involvement guy who slyly advised me a few years ago to ' get officially involved with the Trust as you get a better service'. Seems the people who did that are now writing to the media asking them not to report mental health service critical stories that they find personally demeaning . The service user editor of One in Four mental health newsletter - £70,000 Comic Relief August 2010 - summed up that involved user outlook in a recent tweet

    Sad that at times only power people with #mentalhealth difficulties have to get treatment is saying 'I'll get worse' not 'I could do better'

    7:53 PM Aug 6th via web

  4. Dear folks

    I chopped and changed my mind several times before sending that letter yesterday...wondering if there was a better way to go about it. Then I thought "most prob, nothing will make any difference but I have the right to say what I think is wrong and in my own way"..whatever the outcomes.

    I am no less scared or damaged than anyone just my way of doing things and I have to go by my own drivers..whenever they feel the need to be driving.

    As for learning...there have been so many quotes like "A little knowledge is a dangerous thing"..well alot of knowledge can give you a massive migraine. Depends on the knowledge (whose team you are batting on....and at what time) and how far up the greasy pole you are.

    So I am's a twisted world with more twisted people in power than not. It's not an excuse. It is reality!

  5. Leaning makes for an interesting tourist attraction

  6. Wampspammerykins8 August 2010 at 23:11

    Kiptanking is not recommended without good water wings and greased ears .........................

  7. You know Manders, you thought about your response, you sat on it, weighed it up and that was after almost two years of catastrophic bungling from BLPT for the most part which almost always left you fielding and rushing around to catch the ball every time someone let go. And I can imagine some people reading thinking these ungrateful churlish bastards there is no pleasing them but that's not the case here. Almost everytime there was an easy option for BLPT to do nothing they took it. For all the talk of choices and well managed care attempts to get Mand's dad seen and looked after when he first started getting unwell again resulted in BLPT looking the other way and not answering the phones and Mand having to get the police out and kick of a nationwide alert because her dad wandered off to another part of the country. Then there was the suicide attempt and the constant buck passing and arse covering . I don't think you are twisted Mand, I think people like the editor of One in Four magazine can afford to be aspirational and ignore what's happening to other people because they have no real responsibilities.

  8. Morning Norm

    Thanks...for understanding and having been aware of the facts and experiences, reminding me that I am not a cxnt for wanting what is fair for my father or some damn accountability from those whose job it is to provide under the duty of care.

    Whilst on subject of 'duty of care'. Friend turned up last night..out of blue...hyper and anxious. Did best to keep things from getting worse. They were in paranoid state. Have thought about ringing services but last time I did that, on their behalf, was basically told to mind my own business and friend is also very paranoid about MH service intervention.

    I fear, as happened before, they will go roaming, neglect themselves and end up being picked up by police and sectioned. Actually, I fear more they will end up dead but feel useless.

    Have had someone with me, all weeekend. Is always mixed blessing cos they are ill but they said to me (after friend had left) "Mand, you can't worry about anyone else now, you are too ill".


  9. Of course, if your father wanted to commit suicide who could stop him? There is a question of free will here. Certainly, no-one else can be responsible for his actions.

    Why don't you stop blaming everybody else? Take some responsibilty and stop asking the impossible from the rest of society that doesn't have a clue how to handle you. Feck off (as you would say)

  10. Why am I not surprised to see you back again, Anon?

    Talk about people not being able to help themselves.

    Have a funny feeling you are a disgruntled ex government worker. Something in the way you write smacks familiar...sure you will deny that.

    You can be whoever you want when you wear a mask but behind it you are still you...and if I am right about you then you are a very self centred shit who doesn't give a fuck about anyone else.

    I could be wrong. You might be looking out for other people but I doubt it.

  11. I'm not 'back again' you stupid woman. This is my first and last comment. If you have a load of people who don't wish to be identified, that's your problem.

    We all have a life. We all have reponsibility for it. We end it if we want to. Simple.

    Fuck. Right. Off.

  12. Anon ,

    Your emotional involvment here is interesting, your argument much less so but lets see if I understand it correctly.

    You argue that its not only impossible to try to stop people committing suicide but also unreasonable to. You then accuse the blogowner of blaming everyone else when her criticisms of services have in fact been quite specific and , whether you like it or not, mental health professionals are funded to try to prevent people taking their lives if they seem mentally unwell and do not seem fully able to make informed decisions for themselves , as was the case here.

    Then, unless I am mistaken , you veer of into a tirade of personal abuse.

    Does that about sum up where you are at or have I missed something??

  13. Anon,

    - you claim to have never been here then state 'feck right off' is what blogowner would say which suggest you do read here, even if you have not commented before. if what this blogger says offends you enough to give out an unwarranted stream of abuse, then why come here?. It is not obligatory.

    Whilst I have to admit I do believe that everyone has a right to kill themselves. -Believe me I have long laboured this point with my own care team. It is difficult when an individual lacks capacity to make an informed decision.

    Question being- if said person was 'well' would they really want to die? or, as is usuallly the case - do they just want end to anguish and pain of their illness.

    People are always going to want to protect those close to them and loved ones. Its a personal duty. And then there are the professionals who have duty of care to protect those unwell from harming themselves.
    I think to expect professionals who have trained and are paid for their roles, to offer care is not blaming others for ones problems. But completely understandable and logical. You follow??

  14. hi mandy

    perhaps there are 2 p;rople who only want to post as anonymous. i f so, this latest one really takes the biscuit. so thick in totally misunderstanding the problems you have faced in fighting so hard to get some even moderately appropriate care for both your father and yourself from those who are after all paid to provide it anyone who would want to come on to a blog anonymously purely to speak so abusively is either extremely nasty or very sick.



  15. Genial brief and this fill someone in on helped me alot in my college assignement. Gratefulness you on your information.

  16. I'm really sorry. I've been awake all night worrying about what I wrote. My mum commited suicide last year and I'm still wrecked. I feel like I'm to blame.

    I'm not the original anon. Even worse though, I know.

  17. The problem with anonymous that you can't know if it is someone who has posted before..only maybe see something familiar in a way of writing...which isn't particularly what it seems.

    I have issues with anonymity. Maybe that goes against the grain but I do (and particularly if someone is spitting venom at me or someone else for that matter). I find it cowardly that people will attack someone without disclosing who they are.

    Thank you to my friends for being there for me (and I don't just mean in regards to this posting but when the shit hits the it often has and during the good times too) xx

  18. Anon

    I cannot appreciate what it is like to have lost a parent to suicide because I found my Dad in time.

    Thinking back to the period of deteriation prior to and having to still fight after his suicide attempt, there were times when I wondered if it wouldn't have been better for him to have died. For his own piece of mind..well for peace for him. However, I was the only one taking a real level of responsibility for him and as I loved (still do) him I couldn't let him die. Also, as I was the one that found him...if I had left him that would have been utter negligence on my part.

    A couple of people, one another friend has the view that if someone wants to kill themselves they will find a way. I think that is true but I also see it from the point of view of the daugher of a man who tried to kill himself. That is, that it was my duty to try and prevent that.

    My father now tells me that his only reason for living is me and his grandaughter. I am not sure if that is reason enough..or if that is all of the reason he is still alive. I can't double guess what he really thinks. He is, mostly, very private about what tortures him. Not a crime to be like that but I think if he could talk more it might help him to work things through..but I don't know.

    This has been a long response. Reason is I wanted to share my own experiences and thoughts.

    I can only think how I might think and feel if Dad had killed himself..and I think I would be totally cut up. Not just for losing him but with guilt. There is a quote, somewhere, about guilt being a wasted emotion but that doesn't stop people feeling it.

    I wish I could provide some comforting words. I don't think I can because I haven't been where you are.

    I lost my mother, due to long term and debilitating illnesses. It isn't the same at all but the hurt was immense. I still miss her (and at times my heart breaks again).

    I think, losing people that we (as a species) love and mean so much to us is the shittiest part of living.

    Because it isn't just about them it is about those who have to carry on after they are gone.

    I hope you can find comfort and have people around you that care enough to help you.

  19. Thanks. I'm only seventeen and my brother and my dad aren't coping too well. I have to stay strong but as you found out, I'm not.

    I think your dad is lucky. Take care.x

  20. I find 'being strong' isn't a constant for me and I don't think anyone can be strong all the time, be they well or ill to start with.

    I know it can be very difficult but try not to let any guilt swamp you because all anyone can do is their best at any given time and it is not so black or white but very much grey.

    Not sure if there are any organisations or support groups that are available for you. If so they might be worth seeking out as grief can be very difficult to deal with in the family situation (or more difficult because people, as is my experience, don't want to add to other people's pain)

    If you have friends...good friends...keep talking about this with them. Okay you might think they will get bored but if they are good friends they should understand. x

  21. talking it out is good

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  23. On a lightening note - my dearest "itz" and fellowship of the damaged dudes .. :

    I magically discovered a Vaccum Cleaner pipe makes a good didgerydoo and I went all Goo-rabbish and Pattern Jack wailed and this is the result.

    Pattern Jack & Goorab, No NHS Glues But Shoes and Blues

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