Philosophy of The Big Society

David Cameron gets to be God!

Tuesday, 1 September 2009

Other things

Haven't done a blog post for a while. I got really f'ffed off with blogging and it had started to become a very insular and negative thing for me. I threw myself into facebook with gusto....and I really like it there. I know it isn't everyone's cup of tea but people can leave it alone if they don't like it.

What I like about it is that I come across people sometimes through doing the same quizzes or sharing concerns over 'serious' issues or cyber games or it could be that they make me laugh or show care about me. It is pretty diverse and it allows for diversity.

I have to say, I have yet to come across any STIGMA....that cancerous evil negative thing that crawls around waiting to pounce, hidden behind a mask, from Jo Public (if you believe the hype). Most of my friends there don't have illness, although I don't prefer them to friends who have illness. I don't need them to prove that I am 'normal'. Either I have chosen them or vice versa because we like each other and that is what it should be about. I can't be arsed with adding the world and it's mother to get my numbers I don't think I could keep up with 100 plus people. Needless to say, I spend alot of time there...Fairyland is addictive and I have built up a mini network through that too.

Outside of Cyberworld I have been making progress against the agoraphobia. Been on a fair few walks in beautiful countryside with my friend (sometimes with one of her goats, always with her travel buddy 'Sally'). I have, once a week, eats with my daughter and her fella. We now go to restaurants (with special offers on). Dad has managed to get out with us and we took him for a carvery meal. I thought (a bit too prematurely) that was a positive sign. Since then he has taken another nose dive.

The collection of filled pots in my garden is growning, along with the contents. I am growing some herbs from seeds and others from the early stages of development. Next year, my aim is to dig up a section at the bottom of my garden and replant the herbs there. I have a bird house attached to one of the water pipes on my outside wall (too high up for the cats to get at). Hope this serves to keep some little birds safe in winter. So all in that particular garden is quite rosey!

After flapping about the stall I have booked for the local festival and trying to mass produce (fit to scale of capacity and materials to hand) cards, have decided that the therapeutic reason for making them outways desire to impress or sell really. I am back to making what I want and if they sell, they sell. If not, I will downsize to making cards for friends and fam. The priority has to remain the pleasure of creating.

What with that and going to a local music festival last Saturday, my life has been busy and in positive ways. Was totally pooped out on Sunday but it was worth it to see some live music. Dr And The Medics were the main attraction and put on a brilliant show.

Finally, before I chill down for the night, I saw the new shrink today. I was all geared up (as written elsewhere) for clipboards at 20 paces but no need. I can tell, after about 1 minute, whether or not things are going to be okay. It is about how I am welcomed and how the conversation gets started. It started well and I was pleasantly surprised that the doctor was not only conversant with my and my father's situation but empathetic and not wanting to mess up the status quo. I think he realised that I am doing okay..all things considered... and to add an unkown quantity (like Lithium) into the equation was too much too soon. There is an agreement for me to continue on lorazepam until such time as I am ready to withdraw (quite alot of that to do with how stable Dad gets..and what the long term care situation ends up being). Perhaps, and I am not afraid to admit it, it isn't just about my father. He hasn't caused my illness, his illness and deteriation have made me worse but I was ill long time ago so I don't expect to suddenly be able to withdraw off benzo's if his situation improves (or proper long term care is provided). That is something I will need to discuss, at a later date, with the doctor and look at the alternatives and support that will be provided as and when.

For now, I am doing alot better than I could be doing. I don't assume it will last..nor do I expect to suddenly get worse. I simply know that my illness could get worse and might (at some unknown point). I live in the day...and that is as good as it gets..pending..something or other :>)


  1. Gosh you have been a busy bee. I loved reading about your walks (with a goat?) and the meals out and the concerts. Doctor and the Medics were fab! I'll bet they put on a great show. The optimism for the garden next year made me really happy. I can't advocate the power of flowers enough!

    I'm coming round to facebook too. It's me socially slow in coming forward even in cyberspace that probably put me off. Thanks for encouraging me, since then have nephews to chat to, otherwise it would have been months and months between communications. :-)

    Was very pleased to read your doc turned out to be empathetic. I hope he's gonna be around long term hunny. It's sounds as though you're doing just fine going your own way right now. I admire your proactive attitude regarding the card stand. If you make a bit of cash then brill, it'll all help to fund more goodies to make cards for fun. Once you feel forced you can lose that creative pleasure. That's where I fell foul cos everyone urged me to sell them and the pleasure disappeared. If you make them when you feel like and then sell them, that's a different thing. Just make a stash for future selling maybe? Good luck with your endeavours and well done for being so enterprising.

    So sorry that Dad has taken a bit of dive. I hope it's just another pot hole in the road up the mountain.

    Great to see you back blogging!!!

    Love and hugs XXX

  2. Manders,

    Glad things are going well for you and that you're busy in positive way. The garden seems to be coming on and am still looking out for something to send you for it. Would like to find something that keeps colour all year round.

    I'm not that familiar with using Facebook either but its obviously more socially interactive than just blogging and puts you in touch with so many different people. Good point you make about not facing much stigma from joe public online , me neither . Stay well there.

  3. Hi Mandy. I enjoyed that virtual walk in your life and herb garden with an occasional goat for company. Appreciated those comments about the therapeutic value of your card-making too. I'm the same with my crafts, and even suffer regularly from 'virtual agoraphobia' about selling the damn stuff online. Thumbs up for what you said anyway, I agree completely 'The priority has to remain the pleasure of creating' :)

    ps ... sorry for being six weeks late with a return visit to your blog after your kind comments on mine in July ... wasn't meaning to cold shoulder you or anything ... just that this 'ole diver had the errr 'bends' for awhile there.

  4. Dear folks

    Apologies for making this a one response to all comments comment but am having a bit a slumper of a day.

    Such is the nature of my beast.

    I have managed to get out with friend, who was worried about her MRI scan results. Not good.. she has a cyst (as well as the previous 2 slipped disks). I found the physiotherapist's attitude rather blaze. The comment that once a person knows what's wrong with them the pain tends to go was utter bullshit.

    It has taken her 2 years of going back and forth to previous GP and only when she changed to my new GP was anything done.

    The cyst has manifested itself in that time.

    I think she has a right to sue the NHS for negligence but is getting the right person to help her. I am too exhausted to start, yet another, battle for accountability. I really think there should be lawyers, who offer legal aid, who specialise in this..cos, as ever, it is the poor who are left in agony and nowhere to turn.

    Have managed to get to pre-booked hair appointment too but was tired. When I looked in the hairdresser's mirror I felt like a member of the Adam's Family. A whiter shade of pale!!!

    Thanks for pozzie comments and I am sure, after a long sleep, I will start to pick up again. Here's hoping anyway.

    For worries on when and if you drop in. Is not a compulsory thing and am pleasantly surprised when I get visitors :>)

  5. ....thought i'd seen it all with a burmese cat-on-a-lead at our fav-eatery the other day.
    but no....a goat!

    this post made me smile- thank you!

  6. Hi MMP

    I know...I think I have become a bit blaze about it. It must be quite strange to see a British Alpine goat (all 20 stones of him) going walkies. :>)