Stoking fires and stroking goats

That was how I spent a fair bit of my yesterday. Stayed over with a friend. She was sort of playing nursey.

I couldn't believe how big Skippy had grown. He is about 4 foot 6 and long as he is tall. Still acts like a puppy though. He has his own blankey and is allowed in the house at night for cuddles.

It was cheffin' freezing though. My mate has a house that is too big to afford to heat. Mind you she is made of stern stuff. She has raised pot bellied pigs, chicks to chickens and 3 goats. She also has a dog, called Sally, who is 15 and likes to bury her dinner in the sofa, lick my clothes till they are sopping wet and carry out phornication on one of the wooden chairs. At her age, I think she should be allowed her foibles.

Due to the cold, I spent most of my time breaking up boxes, adding on logs to the fire and strategicaly placing lit sticks for maximum effect. As I was in introspective mode this suited me fine. We started to watch 'Unforgiven' on tv but it got too heavy for me. There is a time and a place for things like that and I do usually get into them but not last night.

I snuck off to bed around 10 pm...lots on my mind. I don't ususally sleep so good in other people's places but I zonked off pretty quick. Came to at 5.30 and then couldn't get back to sleep. Clocked the soar mouth was getting worse and that got me into another internal flap, followed by seeing stars and general malaise that seemed to be spiralling negatively somewhere...

Had planned to see Support Worker in town. Thought she had got the message as to where the meet up was. She hadn't..as friend parked up car, she told me I had a phone call earlier. Checked it and it was from support worker saying she wasn't sure about my message was going to mine. Friend and me raced home, where I waited for 15 minutes and then rang her office. Support Worker was still in the office. She said she would leave then and be with me in a while. In a while she rang back and re-arranged meeting for tomorrow. Yes, another typical day and set of exchanges with MH services.

I was feeling rancid..had a blub. Not sure why but think all the fannying around whilst feeling rancid made me more rancid and then it all came out through the holes in my eyes.

took a whole lorazepam and that kicked in pretty quick so I thought "All is not lost" and walked to local shops. Needed to get rid of the backlog of tablets Dad is either no longer on or has horded and buy some shampoo.

Got a sudden surge of enthusiasm so rang Dad and asked if he wanted to see me. He did. So popped back home, for some satsumas (he needs to eat more fruit..well some fruit) and then headed off to his.

Was okay. We chatted for a few hours. Spoke about some private stuff and also looking long term at what is best for him..or at least starting to look at that. I am still encouraging him to go out and about with his Support Worker and to come to mine for a Sunday dinner. He is reticent..I understand but do think (and shared my thoughts with him) that he can't stay alone, going round in this ever decreasing circle, indefinately. That must be coming across as harsh but it needs to be put in the context of me trying to get Dad to see that there is more to life and him and also that I want him to stay out of a care home if that is possible. If that is, longer term, in his best interests. I just don't know and maybe he doesn't either.

If he does go into a care home, I want it to be because that is the best place for him. I would rather have him close by and us be close but that is a ball that is more in his court than mine.

Have been thinking about Calum Carr's last posting and him wanting to focus more on his family's needs. I am trying to focus more on Dad's needs. I still have to work out what they are though. Another Ho hum! It looks like a meeting between his care co-ordinator, Dad and me is on the cards. Will take it from there.

Dreading mouth still playing up tomorrow. Not so much going to GP because I can hack a round of anti biotics but I can't hack going to the dentist's and I think that is what they will be requesting me to do. Not now...please.... not ever!