Drained, Bewildered and in need of a hug from Pudsey

It has been rather a busy week for me and has left me exhausted (very much so).

I managed to get another bus, on Wednesday, when I went to stay at friends so that was an achievement and cooking for Dad and staying over, Thursday, was another. But it is so very hard on an emotional level. I won't go into detail here as it is private and painful but I ended up with a migraine and yesterday spent the day in a semi zombie state.

He (Dad) really isn't getting enough support and I do understand that what resources there are in MH services aren't going to stretch round everyone who needs care but he is stagnating and on Thursday was discussing things that were quite frightening to me. I am not stable enough to provide him with objective counselling. I try but I think that is the role of MH services. I think he needs more than 2 visits a week from the support worker. The plus is that, having spoken with his support worker, she is taking him to see the GP on Monday.

Hayley came round yesterday and I managed to make some cards but I was all over the place, internally, which was not helped by seeing the GP who had the letter from the neurologist and wants to put me on Sodium Valporate for migraines???? I didn't know that was a medication that was used for treating migraines and even so the last time I took it was when I was in acute care and after taking it my blood pressure went through the ceiling. The GP thinks the dose I will be on, 200mg twice a day, is a low dose. Erm, it doesn't sound like a low dose to me. I came home and thought about it and I am going back and saying that I don't want to take it and won't. I will try another (non shrinky drug) but if there aren't any more available then I will ask for the wafer things. At least they kick in when the migraines come.

The bottom line, I think, with the migraines is that they were trigged by Dad getting so very ill and are perpetuated by the worry and stress of his and my situation.

I haven't seen the Support Worker this week. She is off sick (know the feeling love!) but right now I feel like I need to shut down a while. I have a friend due over this weekend but I don't want them here. That sounds awful and maybe it is but I can't cope with any demands and that isn't just the demands of cooking but of having someone in my space who might bring with them all their stresses and there is no room in the inn for any more than my own. In fact there isn't enough room for mine!!!

Watched 'Children in Need' and kept thinking of Baby P and how many more little ones are being hurt right now and it did provide some comfort to know that there are good works, carried out by caring people, going on out there (funded, as ever, by Jo Public) that do help but when government bodies aren't doing their share of the caring, and children are dying because of that, well, it just ain't right..in the severest way.

Not sure what to make of the new Doctor Who. If the chap on Children in Need is going to be the new Doctor Who. I am still rooting for Richard E Grant. He is perfect for the part.

And now I am going back to bed for as long as it provides me with rest and comfort.