Have clocked that I haven't written much about my personal stuff for a while. Some of that is because I have been pretty active these past 3 days. Some of it is because I am acutely aware of the many blogs out there (all making a better job of having mental illness at least seem more interesting or perhaps it is that they are actually more interesting people than me). I can live with that but I don't want to feel this is some kind of competition for awards and prizes.
When I started the Lifeboat it was more an act of desperation because there were very few places for me to belong or express myself or where I felt I belonged. I needed, and still do, a space where I can get stuff out with a level of interaction but not the OVER demands or shite agendas that go with being part of other arenas in life.
When I sunk the lifeboat, I wasn't sure I would return to blogland but the need remained and it wasn't being met anywhere else in my life.
Why am I writing this? Well I was emailed yesterday by someone who told me a lady at the BBC was trying to get in touch with me...actually access the Lifeboat but couldn't. I am always surprised when big organisations contact me in regards to my blog. Perhaps they do it because I am honest to the point of 'live and direct and not sparing the horses'. I dunno. I have made contact with the woman at the BBC and said although it is good to be contacted there are many more blogs out there, with varying views and I do believe it should be a democratic thing when people are included in whatever media activity is going on. Also I really don't need that particular limelight as it doesn't really do me any favours. No disrespect to organisations but my ego doesn't need for me to be articled left right and centre.
What I need is more practical support to access things that are good for me. Places to go that are not going to compromise me or place demands on me I can't meet and most probably to spend more time with people who do not drain me emotionally. Don't get me wrong. I will do all I can for my Dad and I want to be around him and help him but sometimes I need a bit of looking after. Sometimes I need what I need first!
I think what often gets lost when the media do articles about people's blogs (MH) is the fact that their lives are still harsh. Their illness still dominates them and the support they get (from services) is limited. The approach to blogs, in my view, from the media is one of "Oh, look how well they ar doing" in a rather patronising way whilst mainly missing the main plot!
And I have come to the point where I neither need to part of that kind of circus or want to.
As for what has been happening lately, I will get round to an update..or I might get destracted and write about something else. The real plusses were going to town by bus (and by myself) yesterday. That is a mega achievement for me. The other plus was getting to a firework display last night. Fireworks displays are one of my favourite things and it was worth the effort because the display was superb.
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Hi Mandy I am less hyper so can write you something and concentrate for more than few mins:
ReplyDeleteWell done getting into town and out to the display (hope weather was better down south)
I think you should be proud that agencies are contacting you, but only if you are comfortable with it. In a sort of ambassador for mental health sort of thing. (sounds scary I know)
My therapist said to me this week that Blogging is a blessing and a curse. In that it gives us somewhere we can air our shit and rant or preach or whatever takes and then log off knowing we don't really know our readers and that they are going to be more understanding than the general public as many have similar experiences. For me this has been important because in my 'REAL' world I don;t know anyone with mental health problems.
However, what therapist says is that from what she has observed of blogs it can sometimes seem a bit of a competition between bloggers - who is the illest, who is having the hardest time and that can be destructive. I can sort of see where she is coming from, and I hope I don't fall into this trap. I only started my blog as an almost online record of whta I was doing and how my mood shifts but now aware people do read it, and writing so much about myself sometimes seems terribly narcisistic(spelling???)
Anyway sorry hijacked this post with this ramble perhaps should have posted on my own blog about this. Oh well- you know what I'm like (or should have idea!!)
Hi Lareve
ReplyDeleteYou haven't hijacked anything. In fact I like the fact you have gone into depth. :>)
If there is some level of competition I want to keep out of it. That would be nosebleed territory. My life (and erratic goings on in the grey matter) is demanding enough without thinking I have to start writing like Oscar Wilde! Or up my ratings or whatever really.
I have to write what I want to write and when I want to. Anything else would be detrimental to my mental health. Ha! ha!
That, for me, is the plus of blogland. I can write what I want and when. If other people find it interesting or of some benefit..all well and good.. but really (and totally selfishly) it is here for me.
Guess that means I won't be getting the Community Blogger of the Year Award. Ha!