Alive and mostly avoiding shite that is avoidable

No New Year's rezzies...no great expectations... but also not trying to allow myself to be dragged into even darker corners by what the next government (whomever they are) are likely to do to the most vulnerable in order to save face. What will be will be and am no amount of venting on a blog (or the tokenistic - to quote the pseudo SU svengali La Creepass K - "faux representation" will make slightest bit of difference.

I have heard that charities are a bit spooked because the reciprocal arrangement they had with government seems to no longer be reciprocal..as in the coffers are not freely available. I don't think they ever should have been but politics and charities have been intermingled in a way not best suiting some of us(and also questionable as in to whose best interest that was in). Still, not my problem. I don't rely on charities to support me and I am relieved because they tend to let people down pretty badly. Season of Goodwill it may be (last dregs) but I won't forget what they did to Tommy.

Anyway, I am AT SOME POINT, going to be getting a direct payment. 3.5 hours per week of carer's time to do things that are 'therapeutic'. 6 month agreeement with review at the end of it. I think it will be 6 months only because (if nothing else) the cuts in public spending will most probably be the nail in the coffin of such things.

Dad is (if things go according to most recent plan..they have tended to change as each week goes by) moving into the care home on Monday. Everyone has a view on care homes. My view and that shared by Em is this is as good as it gets for Dad...certainly for forseeable future. The home is a bit like a Guest House in appearance, internal decor etc. Our major concern is quality of care and both the manager and deputy manager have bent over backwards to help us to help Dad and although I can't see into the future (and know what the care will be like) it is better than some of the places there are on offer and I hope he will find comfort and something resembling proper care there. Is much freer than that shitty unit...and we can visit (more or less) whenever we want to and Dad wants us to.

Has been nightmare trying to organise his stuff but we have managed to get what he needs from the flat to the home and went on big shop to buy him new things (clothes etc). Was pretty grim sorting his stuff..because all memories from the flat were shit ones and was very personal thing to do..but it had to be done and has been.

Removal firm clearing furniture mid-week and then, hopefully, will be a fresh start for us all. I don't know how Dad will be...whether his state of mind will improve at all but think it was never going to improve in hospital, or in that flat. Pumping drugs into people and then leaving them to fester, I don't think, is the answer but Dad also has to want to have a better life..a liveable one. That is out of my hands. I have done all I can to get him to this point...I really now want to focus on being his daughter (and maybe a more one dimensional daughter at that)..and to focus on me.

I feel that it is now my time..whatever that actually pans out to be. I want to be a bit more selfish and free to do things without having to fret or deal with incoming demands often veering towards burdensville (real or potential).

Am hoping for something like a thawing out period. Where there is nothing that HAS TO BE DONE.

Apologies to those who have tried to keep me updated on latest goings on : politics, representation, NHS wise but mostly (as in title) I have been avoiding that stuff. It irritates the hell out of me and is not like I can change anything...all I can do is filter out the stuff that gives me nosebleeds.

2010....could be a better year. Then again...Ha! Ha!