Birthdays do taste better with Lychees

Overall it was a pretty good birthday. The lychees were delish!

There was a blip and it was Dad....in a very strange place. Not that he is ever far from it but he was acting like he was 'gone' yesterday. Hang me for the cruel bitch part of me but I was rather angry because it was like he wanted to be centre stage with his illness. When judging people, you can only ever go on what is said and behaviours..on what you know of a person really (I don't really have much of a clue anymore to what is going on..only that I believe it is mostly horrid for Dad)...but lately Dad is becoming more spiteful. Being continually ill doesn't make for 'niceness', it can twist you (it twists me) but, and again, hang me if I am wrong, there is an element of personal responsiblity that when someone has capacity should be taken up and acted on. Then again, I am not sure if Dad has elements of dementia...or what..so I can't really say I understand. Certainly my empathic side doesn't seem to be empathing at all well.

I try to remain unemotive...because to give in to emotions would mean I would be screaming/crying/gnawing at the carpet. When Dad said he wanted bottles of vodka and paracetamol for his supper, I replied that was not an appropriate thing to say today. Not that it is any more or less appropriate than any other day. He feels what he feels etc. But for that one day, I had hoped he would at least make the effort. I was!!!

Judging someone from your own value system is a bit daft really....cos people will be what they are..or whatever their illness makes them. Plus I can't stand on any moral high ground with my track record.

Dr J, uncharacteristically, commented and Dad apologised for his ignorance. I said he wasn't ignorant. It was illness but today was a bit different, for me. He, Dad, then started singing and then got snidey about how well I was doing and how lucky I am compared to him. I thought "Fekk that. I am not biting any bait". I ignored him and sat quietly..whilst Dr J tried to fix the roller blind (that may well become a posting in it's own right).

After that, went back home...was a bit mixed up for a while and nearly gave into temptation to loz it away. I didn't. Dr J was really supportive and he ordered in an Indian meal, wich was delish.

The positives of the day (Always best to end on a pozzie, when you can)were that I got sent some money through the post and went and had my hair done. The hairdresser gave me a free head massage and conditioning treatment. I got some lovely cards and a new portable cd player and silver bracelet from Dr J (as well as the home made choccy cake with choc fudge filling, choc icing and choc squares on top). My fav present was the pink and black stripey (above the knee) socks from a friend. They are totally fab!!! Don't get me wrong, I love all my presents but sometimes it is the unexpected ones which hit a funky spot.

Em is coming over today and am thinking about getting the board games out. We also have a dance mat for her playstation. Been a long time since we used that and I am up for a bop.