The truth about cats and dogs and MH services

Where do I start? More importantly does the crap ever end?

The investigation...the one that Beds and Luton Partnership Trust put in place because they didn't believe dad's suicide attempt was Serious Untoward Incident...hasn't even started yet. This, in spite of Director of Community MH Services insisting (during the call he made to me when he got back off leave, 2 weeks ago) that the designated person would be contacting me. Needless to say they didn't contact me.

I rang the Director back about this..and the case of the missing CPA 5 (and lack of cover/contact time for STR worker whilst she has been absent)..and dad telling me he has been taken of all medication (and is being given it whilst he is under anaesthetic for his ECT!!!!!) and that I am not sure quite what is going on in regards to his treatment or long term care planning. That is apart from father showing me a leaflet for a local care home and his care co-ordinator having no contact with him,since providing said leaflet.

The Director got very busy with the emails.

Following on from this, I got a rather abrupt email from Director of Acute Services informing me that the acute unit manager and CMHT manager would liase and upate me on what is actually going on in regards to dad's care. Yesterday, I got a call from a nurse, at the unit, inviting me to the ward round meeting on Monday. She didn't know what time it would be and then I heard the manager, in the background, telling her she needed to contact dad's care co-ordinator to ensure she would be at the meeting. The nurse then advised me that she would ring me today to confirm the time. I haven't received that call!!!!

The person designated to carry out the 'post suicide attempt investigation' sent me an email asking for my phone number so she could contact me. She did a few days back. I was out at the time, so she left a message. I rang her back. She didn't know who I was (even though she had sent me an email and left a message on my phone) or what I was calling about. When I reminded her, she said she hadn't even looked at any of the paperwork yet and would be doing that the next day.... after which she would ring me (sometime that day to tell me how she was going to proceed). Guess what? She hasn't rang me.

Have been ringing Dad daily. ECT doesn't seem to have had any affect, except to mess his short term memory and spark the dizzy spells off, again. He keeps falling over. From our conversations is clear that he is paranoid about what is being done to him and suspicious, quite possibly delusional.

Daughter and her fella came with me to tonight's visit. Fist time in the car with Em and me. I had not long taken a migraine tablet as had thumping head all day and aura was manifesting in my right eye...so I was a bit fragile and not on the ball but we got there in one piece (in spite of me giving wrong directions).

Dad managed 20 minutes before he got too anxious and asked us to leave. The whole time, his eyes were roaming around and if anyone came near him, he got jittery. He told me he had fallen over twice today. I asked if anyone came to his aid. He said the nurses and other patients did. I asked if he had seen the doctor about it. He said he had but the doctor seemed 'dismissive'. He said his care worker was supposed to see him but hadn't and that he hadn't heard from his care co-ordinator since she left the leaflet about the care home and he told me he has stopped eating. Now...objectively...I can see that maybe dad's memory might be playing tricks on him but I can also see that it's all one big fucking cock up...across the board.

There seems to be no cohesion, proper communication or the vaguest idea of what people are supposed to be doing (let alone them carrying those duties out). I wouldn't trust these people to run a tombola stall and my dad is in their care. Frighening!!!

In the car afterwards, Em commented that the staff should really be checking that dad is going for meals and encouraging him to eat. I said "Honey, I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like when you go in these places, you are at their mercy and they will do what they will (often, in my eyes, amounting to torture) and that is why I will fight tooth and nail never to go in them again". She said she understood why I hated that place so much.

Bless her. Not long after she left, she texted me to let me know she loved me and hoped I had a relaxing evening.

I can't relax....okay the lozees numb me down a bit - actually help me to get through each day...but I won't be able to relax until I have some reassurance that dad is safe, that there is a care home for him (one that 'in present climate' matches at least some of his needs).

Feel like I am on one of the levels of Dante's Inferno....purgatory, for an indefinate period. I don't really know what is going on in Dad's mind but I reckon he is there too.

Oh! and before I drop a whole loz and try and let go for a while...my acting care co-ordinator rang me in the week (most concerned about me). She said that she would leave it with me to ring her again, when I felt the need..and when I did she would talk to me (or, if out of office, ring me back as soon as). I rang the office today. Left a message for her to ring me back...no call.

The next wanker to come on this blog and wax ignorantly about how 'cushy' my life is..will get the 2 finger salute and fekk all else!!!!