Good Friday

After a week in Never Never Land (not the nice kind either more the kind where it never gets any better) things shifted on Friday. I think the shift was more in me than anything else. I made a conscious decision to make the most of things and avoid hyping up my neurosis.

Having read that the medication prescribed me for symptoms of Labrythnitis was an anti psychotic I saw red. Do people know they are prescribed anti psychotics for other pyshical ailments? Maybe they don't care if they work....and I don't blame the locum doctor for prescribing the drug to me...because he wouldn't know I am bipolar or that my track record with anti psychotics is dismal...but certainly by Wednesday it was clear that it was adding another nasty layer into the proceedings. For sure it helped with the vertigo but it was twisting my mind at the same time. It really doesn't need any more twisting..ta muchly!

Anyway...I stopped taking it and my brain stopped feeling like it was on fire. The dizziness has returned but is sporadic. I can live with that.

And so to yesterday. My friend Hayley came round to make cards with me. She still has no car and isn't likely to get one so we do alternate weeks. Sometimes, I feel so poorly that just making the effort to not look and act poorly is too much. I hate that sense of performing. I know most people have to put on a performance through life..depending on where they are and who they are with but when it comes to illness and doing the 'smiley smiley Carol Smiley' act, I can't sustain.

I didn't have to....we had a good time. Music, food, easy chats and cutty outy bits. Might stick up piccies of the 4 cards I made later.

After that I was a bit tired so planned to have an hour's kip before Em turned up with her fella. She came earlier than expected but was fine. We went to Dad's, ordered a Chinese meal and played Scrabble. I saw glimpses of old Dad back. He made with the funnies and was like all 4 of us were actually on the same planet at the same time. Novel!

When they dropped me home, I really thought I could sleep for England and then suddenly I was wide awake. I contemplated doing a loz but decided to role with it. Ended up watching first night of the Isle of Wight Festival. It was okay...thankfully The Prodigy were the final act and they really left the best till last.

I had to take 3 quarters of a loz to sleep but have managed to cut back from 3 a day.

Compared to what Lareve is going through it really does make my pre-occupation with loz intake and need for assurance that i can take what I need when I need it rather lame....but everything is relative as in to where an individual is at. And I am at the point where I want to shout "Just give me the lozzies and stop trying to sell me other crap".

As a by line, I got the local magazine and a festival has been organised (with stalls) for September. Have contacted someone to see if I can have a stall for my cards. Oh and the new Jo Brand book arrived, so will be reading that in the garden later.