When in Rome

Anyone who reads the blog will know that I am mostly adverse to the media, whilst still thinking that a free press is an essential requirement to this society.

But as with title, being away from home tend to go with flow of where I am and when asked if I wanted a Saturday paper agreed to a copy of The Independent.

Three stories caught my interest:

The first was about Herman Rorschach. More so the ink blots he used in pyschiatric testing from 1920's. Seems the cat is out of the bag. Thanks to Wikipedia, who posted the images along with most common responses given by test participants (would assume that is researched somehow).. Years of serious psycho-analyis put at risk...so the psychologists say... by this reckless action bt Wiki. Ha! Ha! The accompanying impage to this article was of one of the ink blots. To me it looked like a demonic mask. Have yet to check my response with Wikipidea list but am in no hurry. I think the test is mostly bunkum.

Second artice was about the Sanctity of Life. The writer relating this to the big debate around Euthanasia. Using Trosky as an example of someone whose example shouldn't be followed, particulary as his claim that the sanctity of life was "Papist-Quaker babble" was shared by that great humanist Stalin (his one time friend and the person most likely to have had Trosky done in).Hitler was also used as an anti hero (like people didn't get that already)as he was pro euthanasia for the mentally and physically disabled (which is something maybe not as widely known as to those of us with vested interest) What hit home to me was the writer's view that in this society, which, he claims, values everything in terms of money that euthanasia could become a cop out for a government who hasn't got and would prefer not to have to find the resources to care for a growing and aging population.Food for thought indeed!!

Final story of interest was about The Quakers (a group I know little about but am becoming more interested in since reading the article). They are going to conduct gay weddings. i didn't realise that the government was in opposition to this. After all this government passed the law on 'civil arrangements' allowing for gay couples to have similar rights in regards to homes, financial enitlements and a certain level of acceptance (again legally) of the importance of relationships and commitment. Now I have issues in regard to marriage and religeon (personal bias I wouldn't enforce on anyone else even if I could) but am pro human rights so am chuffed The Quakers are prepared to swim against the tide of social control and offer a service that acknowledges the sanctity of love and people's rights to choose how they share that. More tolerance and less social dictate would be good for this country and the people in it. Perhaps the article has more poignance to me as the guys I am staying with are celebrating their first 'wedding' anniversary. They had a civil service (can't remember what the actual term is) this day, last year,and good on 'em. Think we are all going out for a celebratory meal later.Yum!

To my here and now. Listening to George Michael cd I bought yesterday. Purely because it has his version of 'Flawless' on it. The bonus is it has all the other dancey numbers on it too, which makes up for the disappearance of the the dance cd of 'Ladies and Gentlemen', along with my house keys, back home. Am going to head downstairs to make myself a cuppa, check out the baby chicks and start to share the rest of the day with my hosts.

Live from a laptop in Derbyshire

and it feels good :>)

Apart from an hour stuck in a motorway jam outside Northampton,journey here was smooth running. £3.09 for a hot choccy at a motorway caf was a rip off but least I got some marshmallows with it.

We had a Chinese meal last night and then chilled out chatting and catching up. The guys have new baby chicks too. So cute.

Later today, we are going to visit a local market. Am a big fan of markets. The real ones with bargains. For now, am slobbing about in bedroom, listening to radio and bidding on a blue top on ebay to go with electric blue dolly shoes. I have a dolly shoe obsession. Obsession as in one pair of dolly shoes is really enough for anyone but I want pairs in diffferent colours and or with different patterns on them. Totally frivolous, superficial stuff. I need more of that kind of thing.

Other plans for weekend. Would like to watch The Proms tribute to Hollywood movies tonight and hoping for drive to Peak District. Apart from that don't mind. The break is enough in itself. I needed space between me and what has been going on. Space just for me.

Off to have a shower and then it's boiled eggs for brekky (from the chickens the guys keep). Am feeling quite blissy.

Update before I sedate myself into oblivion for the night

Woke up.....felt yakky yak yak.

Due to STR Worker not feeling well herself, swimming was cancelled. Wasn't too hung up about that but there needs to be a mutual understanding that just like STR Worker can't predict when she will get sick...I can't predict what days are going to be my more stable days. Ah well. Knickers to that right now.

Mostly slumped until 4.30 pm ish. I wanted to go back to sleep but couldn't and didn't have energy(or motivation) to do much else...but come 4.30, something kicked in. Got ants in my pants and needed to walk.

So I walked to town...then on to GP's to pick up prescription for wafer thingies.... then on to friend's (who lives round the corner from the practice) for a cuppa.

Was little bit pooped so taxi'd from there to hospital. I know I hadn't planned to see Dad today but I went with the flow.

He was in much weirder place. Although he doesn't do the pacing thing that I do when I am highly anxious, his face was gurning something awful, his legs were going and he kept putting his head in his hands.

The reason is, I think, that the doctor who saw him today told him he was being discharged tomorrow. Now, I don't know how much of what Dad says is the truth. It might be the truth as he perceives it...but I like to get the opinion of a staff member (and one that actually knows what is going on). That proved rather difficult.

At one point, there was not a nurse to be found. Having walked length of ward, a kindly visitor asked me if I was lost. I explained I was trying to find a member of the nursing staff and she pointed me to a side room. I waited there for 10 minutes. Nurse explained that she didn't know anything about my father's situation...she went and looked at a sheet of paper and said..."I don't know what is happening but it says he is scheduled for a psychiatric assessement". She advised me to ring up in the morning and speak to the Discharge Co-ordinator. Can't wait!!! You know how much I love talking to different people, all of whom have a different view of what is going on.

Dad got more ajji, so I asked if he was taking any medication. He said that he was told he couldn't have any but felt he needed a lorazepam....so off I trot again and found another nurse who said "You have already spoken to another nurse".

Right so rellies are rationed to one question per visit.

I explained this was a different matter. After I was assured he could have medication, I informed her of Dad's state and asked her if she could organise for him to have his sedation. I also explained that I bought his medication in with him and so it wasn't anything he hadn't been prescribed. She said she would do that....but she still hadn't done it by the time I left. Now I understand the NHS is under pressure (I would say crumbling on it's foundation...status) but I also understand that high levels of anxiety do not go away just because staff are stretched.

Really hospitals are not places to be when you are ill, these days. Then again, isn't like there are that many options!!!

Final summarising of the visit:

There was, I spotted, a Hospital Policy poster on the wall. Quoting such gems as

"All staff will be approachable, friendly and responsive to patients, relatives, carers and other visitors"

and

"Open communication between all staff, patients, relatives etc etc, shall take place.

If I had a marker pen to hand, I would have added

"The left hand needs to keep the right hand clued up on what it is doing...and the deck should have hands on it at all times"

A trip to the zoo and much needed uppy time

Apologies to anyone who thinks I should be constantly fighting my Dad's corner and writing blogs with solemn references but am trying to keep my sanity and balance best as and by taking each day as it comes.

Today was a goodie but before I explain why, want to share a couple of photos, from the last visit. The one in which Azzizah and Euan were playing together.



As I wrote before, was uplifting to see them so happy together:



Was lovely to spend today with Em and her fella and share the wonderful experiences. First of all we went to Lemar Island. Is one of the few areas where the public can get next to animals. Thankfully, there are staff constantly on watch. I say that because although most people go to appreciate the animals and conservation work, there are those who would do damage (intentionally or otherwise). I got to sit next to a Lemar. For me that was awesome. It was totally non-plussed by the affair. Literally, the Lemars were mingling with us humans and comfortably so (maybe hoping for snacks....but such things are rightly out of bounds).

Next stop was my favourite place (no prizes for guessing where)...and total thrill to see a new elephant cub. Yet unamed at 4 days old. He is being closely monitored by his mum and aunt and slept mostly while we watched on, in awe. He did manage a few steps, after his mum had gone for a bit of a walk and aunt was, I think, concerned he needed to be with her. Once reassured by some trunk touching he flopped back down for more sleep (typical baby eh? Not the trunk touching but the sleep :>)

After that, and being totally bouyed up, we went to find the rhinos, then the sloth bears and feeling peckish got the zoo bus to the cafe at the other end of the zoo so we could see the penquins who are camped next door. Before we knew it, we were running late. We had intended to get to Dad by 2.30 but time just flew by.

We weren't too late and arrived at the hospital just after 3.

Not sure what to write about Dad. He seems distant alot of the time. Like he usually is. He did join in as much as his state could allow and we said we would all go to the zoo when he was better. He would like to go, if health permits. I said it was an obligatory family outing (half jokey) as in at least once a year we should all do the zoo. There is a thin line between encouraging and bullying. Trying to keep the right side of that whilst giving him things to hang on to.

I spoke to the doctor about his condition. She explained that his liver seems to be recovering. The norm is 30. 30 what? I am not sure about. Dad's level is now 600, although it was over 1,000 last week. That's paracetamol for you. Fekkin' horrible tablets to OD on but that was most probably last thing on Dad's mind when he took them. Well, the having to deal with after effects!!!!

Not sure on how long Dad's stay in hospital is going to be. Would assume it depends how quickly that level comes down, and if it does continue to come down. The doctor was optimistic..that it would come down more but said it could take anything from a week to a month. Can't remember for sure but think the next lot of blood tests are due Wednesday. If I think too much about this is very scary. So am trying to be ..not sure what the word is..but I am trying to keep my focus on the facts rather than the possibilities.

Before we left hospital, we stocked Dad up on drinks. He has quite a thirst but can't bare drinking water. Will try and get to hospital again tomorrow but that depends on how knackered I am after the first 'recovery' swim. I am not sure if I am supposed to be meeting my STR worker at the pool or if she is coming to me. So much for the CP5 thingy...well the planning aspect of it. Best ring her in the morning...can't leave these things to fate or other people. Not when it is me that is going to be putting in the most effort.

Now, I am going to chill out for the evening. Run a bath. Have a long soak and hopefully zonk out because have naturally used up my energy.

Serious Untoward Incidents - The Case of the Missing Criteria

For PatientGuard and anyone else who has a clue in regards to working through the mazes.

I have formally notified the Trust and my MP that I wish my Dad's suicide attempt to be treated as a 'Serious Untoward Incident'.

Am very keen to find out what the Care Quality Commission's rules are in regards to how they ensure Trusts are not shirking any more responsibilities.

I usually get a formal written response from MP within a few days of writing to him. However, he might be on annual leave now so can't guarantee I will hear from him before I go to Derbyshire.

Not sure where to go with this right now. I could let the Director complete his internal inquiry (before I take further action) but have concerns it is being used more as a passifier rather than to look at oversights (and there were oversights) and prevent alarm bells ringing in ears of overseeing bodies. Remember, Beds and Luton Partnership Trust is still waiting to be taken over by a bigger cheese in order to be seen as fit for purpose and gain Foundation Trust status. Hence, those in charge are trying to turn it into a leaner machine whilst talking some sort of talk that is supposed to reassure patients they are in safe hands. Hmmmmm...

Any advice would be welcomed but that doesn't mean I will act on it until I am back from my break. I need time out...FOR ME. Sounds harsh but I have only so much energy and savvy at present. If I burn out, there will be nothing left either to sustain myself with or help Dad.

Sometimes a chore can turn out to be a benefit

So writes the woman who has not long mowed her back lawn.

I loathe the thought of doing it (every time). It is hard work (particulary for someone who hasn't treated her body like a shrine) but not only that, it can aggrevate my dry discs (which are not due to any damage I have bought upon myself other than existing).

Is a long lawn to boot. So is not a case of whipping out the mower and 15 minutes later is all sorted. Initially, is a case of gritting teeth and getting on with it it. I seem to lose myself for a while and then feel the burn round about 20 mimutes in to it. Could too easily give up at this point but I can't be doing with a half mown lawn so give myself some cognitive behavioural bullying and carry on.

I feel pretty knackered for a while after but then I go and check my work and think smug thoughts. The little boy's voice, the one that comes up after the end tiles of 'X Files' has sprung to mind. The one that goes "I made this". Okay, so I didn't actually make the lawn but I made it look tidier. That'll do for me.

Debs has just turned up. We are heading off to ASDA to get goodies for Dad and then going visiting.

I shall reward myself with large, gooey, cream cake!!!!!

No Good....Start the Oxygen!!!

Lareve....you need to be buzzing your bits off (and to have sunk 3 cans of red bull) to keep up with this.

Oh yes and NOT have smoked for 30 years!!!!



Thems were the days..........sneaks off for afternoon kip